The Hare and The Hatter
by CalypsoKitsune
Summary: It has been two years since Amilee lost the boy who held her heart. Now she is an empty shell, her only purpose to help the world get back to normal and find a way to move on. But then, Cole returns and on top of that... He doesn't remember her. Now she must decide if it's better that he doesn't. Now she must fight against her greatest enemy yet. Herself. Rated M for later chapters
1. Cause and Effect

**I own nothing of Dragon Age. Just Amilee.**

**A/N: **

**1: Read 'The Hare Marches On' first, it is the prequel.**

**2\. Amilee speaks three languages: English, common tongue, and Tevene. Anything other than common tongue will be in italics when she speaks it.**

**3\. She is NOT the Inquisitor and this will focus mostly on her relationships, rather than action.**

*****To my followers who have been waiting so long for me to continue this story, this chapter has been edited recently (4/10/2017) I will be editing the other chapters before I continue so please feel free to re-read. :) ******

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"_Locking eyes, a waning glance, __mistook chance, __I'm adding meaning to the words forever, __broken silence, defiant, __misspoke turn, __will I see you again if ever..._" -Stranger Ways by Anberlin

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_-Somewhere in Therinfall Redoubt-_

Amilee Hawke found herself walking among a barrage of flaming corpses, scattered about a grassy underground structure, foreboding stone archways towering over her. It was dark and she squinted to discern where she was, studiously ignoring the scent of smoke and charring flesh. A few moments before, she'd stepped forward before the Herald, to greet the Lord Seeker who had seemed to approach them in good faith, but now...

Directly ahead of her she could make out two figures, and as she drew closer, she could make out Cullen and Josephine standing perfectly still, calm as you please. She looked at them confused for a moment and jumped as she heard a loud gasp from beyond them.

Leliana came into view, walking between the other two who seemed to just float apart and she spoke, "Is this shape useful? Will it let me know you?"

The split vocal pattern indicated it was not in fact her faithful friend, but something else and she narrowed her eyes at it with suspicion.

"Everything tells me about you," it said as it walked behind the fake Cullen. "So will this. Watch." It pulled a knife and held it around and up against Cullen's throat.

The fact this visage was the commander made her start forward, giving her fear away in that singular movement. But she quickly reigned it back, knowing this was what the creature wanted. She covered it swiftly with a feral smile. "A demon. How quaint. Am I supposed to scream in terror next?"

It's pause was brief before it dragged the blade along Cullen's neck and let him drop to the ground. "Scream in terror next?" it mimicked with her voice.

Leliana abruptly backed away as Josephine stepped forward, the same dagger in her dainty hand. The creature laughed, "Being you will be so much more interesting than being the Lord Seeker. I would have preferred the Herald, but you are just as powerful, if not more so." It disappeared and Amilee looked around, trying to anticipate it's next appearance.

From behind her, it asked, "Do you know what the Inquisition can become? You'll see. When I'm done, the Elder One will kill you, the Herald, everyone you care for, and ascend. Then I can be whomever I choose."

Amilee had tried to grab the offending wretch with Josephine's face, but it was gone before she had turned. "Come any closer and you'll see how well that works out for you. And who the _hell_ is this Elder One?"

Once more, it laughed. "He is between things. Mortal once, but no longer." Finally stepping around to face her, it gloated, "Glory is coming. And the Elder One wants you and the Herald to serve him like everyone else: By dying in the right way."

Amilee squared her shoulders back and glared defiantly. "Big talk, demon. Blah, blah, blah. I'm a pawn, blah, blah."

The 'it' that was Josephine backed away before Amilee could grab it and walked off. Behind her came Cullen's voice, "I will not fall to your power! I am Envy, and I will know you!"

An Envy demon. So then, where the hell was she? She didn't feel her life force draining from her so this wasn't the Fade, but then where could it take her? How in the world was she not killing it?

'Cullen' walked forward. "Tell me 'Guardian', in your mind." A blacked out version of her appeared and the commander stabbed it in the back, her gasp coming from it's lips. "Tell me what you think!"

To her left, Herah appeared across the war table, the figurines upon the map set on fire. "Tell me what you feel!"

She felt a presence behind her and she turned to face her doppelganger, clutching at a wound in her belly. When Amilee looked down, she found a dagger in her hand and dropped it in horror. Her disembodied voice rang out from beyond. "Tell me what you see."

All became quiet once more and Amilee fought down the panic rising within her. Turning to the doorway leading onward, she focused on finding her way out of this hell hole. It seemed almost every time she turned a corner, the demon had some sick reenactment of events involving the Inquisition's advisers, ready to act out for her like some twisted play. The day she awoke with Casandra's blade at her throat, Leliana trying to reason with the seeker, The Herald and her fighting over leadership, the fake Amilee striking her down, declaring Herah Adaar had committed treason...

She came upon a large room with what looked like green acid pouring out from the top of the pillars, rotating to open and block paths from her. Not knowing if the environment was able to hurt her, she steeled herself and avoided the sprays as best she could, ignoring the random groups of people whispering of atrocities and reveling in the power of the Guardian's reach.

As she successfully made it through, Envy called out, "Do you see how glorious my Inquisition will be, after you die at the hands of the Elder One?"

Then came a softer, gentler voice. "You're hurting, helpless, hasty. The mirror reflects but you use the wrong face. What happens to the hammer when there are no more nails?"

Her blood ran cold and she halted her steps. A voice she never thought she'd hear again. From another time and another place, but she remembered it all the same. No. No, no, this demon could not know of him. It had only showed her images from the Breach and on. How could- _Stop_, she thought to herself. _You're giving it what it wants._

"What are you? Get out, this is my place!" Envy growled, as if pretending it had not been the origin of the voice.

_"Ugh! __Just shut the hell up__!" _she yelled in English as she pressed forward once more. It would **not** manipulate her like this.

Taking a bedroom to the left, she explored, half hoping the demon would try once more, but honestly, she didn't need the reminder of her third miserable failure. When she'd cleared the second bedroom, however, as she went to exit, his voice rang out again.

"Wait."

_It can't be him, it's a trap, it can't be him_, she thought, trying to drill it in her head. A voice in the back of her mind traitorously countered with: _The templars came from Val Royaeux, from the White Spire. He could have survived, could have followed them. _Hope leapt in her heart despite the fact she didn't feel the familiar hum of his presence and she faced the room once more, seeking him out in earnest. She didn't dare call out his name in case it was simply the demon mimicking to see her reaction.

"Envy is hurting you. Mirrors on mirrors on memories. A face it can feel but not fake. I want to help. You, not Envy."

She closed her eyes and covered her mouth, reigning in the tears that threatened to fall. The voice wasn't splitting. And so far that was all the demon had been able to do. Her facade was crumbling, the emotions she'd trained to keep under lock and key ready to burst forth, to betray her innermost turmoils. Taking a deep breath, she concentrated on the task at hand, to remain in control. "How do I know you're not Envy, trying another tactic to goad me?" she demanded, fists clenching in anger.

"I am me. I'm Cole. I've been watching. We're inside you. Or I am. You're always inside you."

She gave a short bark of laughter. "I don't know. I feel like I'm going **out** of my mind all the time," she jeered as she finally turned to see him standing on the ceiling. "Like right now," she added breathlessly, as her heart swelled to bursting.

He chuckled, an endearing sound she'd never heard from him before. "You're still here. Envy had to hurt you to get in, is hurting you, with borrowed memories from the Herald. I tried to help, but I couldn't hear and then Envy was in you. It's harder to be a part of what you're hearing. But I'm here, hearing, helping. I hope." He shook his head, "It's-it's not usually like this."

She stood on her toes and cocked her head up to peer into his light azure eyes, barely peeking out from behind the brim of his hat. They were brighter and more full of life than she'd ever remembered. The hat was almost ridiculous, but somehow it suited him, and his clothes were now patched in places they hadn't been before. If this had been Envy, it wouldn't have progressed his look. She suddenly felt giddy, almost mad with relief at the sight of him. It was Cole, her Cole. He was alive and well.

_Celebrate later_, she thought. _More important things need tending to_. She brought herself out of her reverie, crossed her arms, and began to pace, her voice taking on a serious tone. "So Envy used the templars to weaken us, then got in my head when I stepped in the way of Herah. It wants to see who I am and become me. But you followed to help me keep that from happening."

A guttural sound came from outside and she swiveled her head to the open door. She shivered, wishing she could expel this demon with a simple wave of her hand. She thought back to the Fade when they were at Adamant and the similar disconnection she felt from all this. It unnerved her.

As she backed away from the door, Cole's voice rang out from behind her. She whirled around, finding him sitting on the headboard of the bed. "I was watching. I watch. Every templar knew when the Herald and the Guardian arrived. They were impressed, but not like the Lord Seeker."

"Right, because I so love the attention," she grumbled, rolling her eyes, missing the fact he'd referred to her so distantly. "Makes me miss my wolf form," she muttered absently.

He stared at her with a surprised expression, then tilted his head in silent question. All hope of a hearfelt reunion vanished and her chest felt hollow as he asked, "You can be a wolf?"

It was then that she realized what was off, true horror clawing at her insides. Sweet Jesus, it **was** him... And he didn't remember who she was.

Morosely, she brought a shaking hand to her brow and whispered her reply brokenly, "Uh, yeah. Its nice to become something else sometimes. When you don't like dealing with people. It's an escape for me, I suppose." She cleared her throat and shook her head. This wasn't the time to fall apart. "So, you've been watching the templars. What did Envy do to them?"

"They're red inside. Like the rune you wear at your throat. But you quiet the old whispers, bend the song to your will. Not like them. It twisted the commanders, forced their fury, their fight."

"They've been **ingesting** red lyrium? Augh! Ever since Val Royaeux, I could feel something was off." Unknowingly, she had started to pace. "Its a good thing we came for them instead of the mages. They need to be brought under control, or they'll become worse than what they fear." She took a moment to sigh. "All the more reason I need to get out of here. Well... Everyone else needs to get out," she said pointedly, raising an eyebrow at him and quirking her lips in mock disapproval.

"If it bothers you, I can make you forget," he offered matter-of-factly. "That helps... No. You'll need all of you right now to fight. Maybe later."

She stared at him in shock. Though he wasn't meaning to be callous, his words struck a chord within her.

In reponse, she deadpanned, "How 'bout never? I didn't say **you** bothered me. You just don't belong in my head." She rubbed at her arms, perturbed by the thought of ever forgetting him. "My memories are my own. I would be very cross if someone tampered with them, for obvious reasons." She indicated to the environment around them. "I didn't think anyone could, but apparently this is an exception."

His hat cocked to the right as he leaned against the wall, revealing a burning gaze. "Even if it helps?" he countered.

"How would it help?" she shot back, huffing in annoyance. Seeing his frown deepen from her reaction, she sighed, "I'm sorry, hun. I'm just frustrated by all this. We should be forming a plan. Do you know how to stop Envy?"

"It's your head. I hoped you'd know how to stop it."

_Then why the hell did you bother - nevermind, _she thought_._ Rubbing her eyes with her fingers, she gestured to the room around her. "It's a first time for me. Hopefully the last."

Standing up on the bed, he walked silently toward her. Cheeks heating slightly, she couldn't help but study his figure now that he wasn't upside down.

The scrawny, gangly young man she'd been so fond of had grown up. He stood taller, at least six feet, although he slouched a bit. Shoulders broader and legs thicker... It was almost mesmerizing, the coiling of lean muscle defined beneath his leathers, still conveying the need to constantly move, but it was more deliberate, more focused. Like a predator ready to strike when you least expect it. But this was Cole. It was wrong for her to think of him that way. Wasn't it?

_Lovestruck idiot, he's talking_, she thought with disgust, forcing her gaze to meet his once more.

"All of this is Envy. People, places, power. If you keep going, Envy stretches. It takes strength to make more." Stepping down from the bed, he moved to stand in front of the fireplace. "Being one person is hard. Being many, too many, and Envy breaks down, you break out."

"All right, so the farther I get, the harder it will be for Envy to keep up this game."

"Maybe. Without hearing, it should be as difficult. I hope it helps. It's more than sitting here waiting to lose your face."

"_Ain't that the truth__,_" she agreed absently. She touched his left shoulder, ever so slightly. Her need to hold him again was palpable, but she withdrew dispite the fact. "Thank you for being here for me."

He turned from the fireplace at her touch and paused, his sidelong glance allowing his eyes to shine at her from under the brim of his hat. "You're... welcome. You aren't afraid of me?" he said.

Amilee tilted her head and her brow wrinkled. "Not at all. Why? "

He twisted his fingers together then brought a hand to his chest, rubbing as if something pained him. "When you came I could feel it, a gentle warmth inside, drawing me to see. I saw you and I couldn't help but help, didn't think, just threw myself in."

_Warmth? _she thought. He'd mentioned it twice, when they were together before at Adamant, but she never knew what he meant. So he could sense her like she could sense him. That was... oddly comforting. More proof that he was in fact a spirit, not a demon.

He continued, "But I can't _hear _you. It took Envy breaking inside for me to hear, but even now, it's just Envy, clutching at scraps, bits from the minds of the others to shape. Confused, yet still caging, a conundrum." He started chewing his lip absently, his body a hairs breath from hers as he studied her. "Not hearing should frighten me, like it does Envy."

"It's not you I'm looking to hurt," she stated softly. "I'm sorry it makes you uncomfortable."

"No, it's alright," he replied, his expression lightening. "I'll try to make it less hard."

With that, they exited the room, making their way through the dank dungeon environment. Cole would disappear now and again, only to encourage her when she got caught in a puzzle, urging her the right way when she got turned around. It was like they had traded places from before, he the calm and steady guide and she the lost, helpless vagrant.

The visions Envy promoted to her of what it would do with the Inquisition were terrifying, but they only spurred her forward in determination, Cole's presence strengthening her resolve further.

When she reached the top of the fortress where Envy had first pulled her into her own head, she was grabbed from behind, her blacked out counterpart pushing her back against the tall red doors. It lifted her off the ground, green eyes lit and flashing in anger. "Unfair, unfair! That thing kept you whole, kept you from giving me your shape!"

Scowling and trying in vain to kick it away, Amilee snarled, "HE is not a thing, you babbling, whiny bitch! And it's not like you were getting very far anyhow, were you?"

Her goading made the demon clench it's hand around her neck painfully, growling as it tried to repeat her words and failed. "We'll start again, more pain this time. The Elder One still comes and I will have you."

Amilee looked beyond the creature, up above where Cole stood on the hand of a large statue. He watched with mild concern as he abruptly crouched down, then cocked his head to the side, smilling as if he were amused. "Remember. It's frightened of you."

As the demon turned to yell at Cole, Amilee maneuvered the creature's arm away and off her, at the same time bringing her head down firmly against it's own with a resounding crack.

Her vision went white and she was once again standing with her companions, a sharp and sudden resonance of mana echoing inside her. A wretched, lanky demon with too many limbs contorted before her to scream shrilly in pain, its true form allowing her to draw from its essence enough to hurt. Then it pulled away, dissipating into a black smoke that billowed back and back until it'd had retreated safely behind a strange green film of magic. A barrier.

"The Lord Seeker!" Barris cried, watching with disbelief.

Curling her nose in disgust as she wiped her hands on her cloak, Amilee replied, "Unfortunately, no. It was an impostor."

Herah put her hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright, Ami?"

"I'm fine. Thank-you," she said, smiling to give the Herald reassurance.

For a moment, Barris contemplated her original statement. "That monster ensured we weren't prepared. I don't even know what we're up against."

Knowing Cole would be hiding somewhere out of the way, she looked around briefly to see if she could spot him. Even in her human form she would be able to see him, as she was normally immune to any form of mind alteration.

She could now feel the hum of his nearness, past the jarring buzz of the red templars and she took a moment to raise her head up and close her eyes, staving off the prick of her tears. So thankful was she, that the young man she thought lost had returned, though he didn't know her anymore.

"Really, Amilee. Are you okay?" Herah asked urgently.

She smiled warmly for the first time in a long time over at her ward, and replied easily, "I will be." She set aside her concern over Cole and ignored Herah's disturbed look, elaborating on her initial remark. "The fake seeker was an Envy demon. Apparently, the Herald caught its fancy. I just happened to get in the way at the right moment."

Cassandra gasped from behind her, "Envy! Then the Lord Seeker..."

Saddened, Barris finished the sentence, "Is caged or dead... Maker! And my captain knew. It's the red lyrium. I knew that stuff was risky. They often give us new kinds of lyrium. Our commanders. Some used the red stuff first to prove it was harmless. The knights would have been next. That demon turned our leaders so we couldn't question when this started."

"It's clever like that. Had I not devised a way to kick it out, it would have taken my place and tricked you all just as easily."

Herah crossed her arms, looking to Barris. "You'll need your best to fight it then."

"Our best..." Barris let his eyes fall for a moment. Then he turned to find one of the scholars. "Templar. What is Envy?"

Two came forward. One cried, "A coward, brother!" The second said, "It studies, makes less mistakes. But most of all, it hides."

Barris turned to Herah. "We need our veterans. Our commanders have turned but the lieutenants may still be fighting. We'll hold the hall while you find them and the uncorrupted lyrium stores. Bring them here and I'll give you Envy."

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**Reviews and**** Favorites welcome!**


	2. A Heavy Heart

**I own nothing of Dragon Age. Just Amilee. ***Edited 4/11/2017*****

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_"Come with me, into the trees, __we'll lay in the grass, and let the hours pass, __take my hand, come back to the land, __let's get away, just for one day..." _-Stripped by Shiny Toy Guns

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_-Two days after Therinfall-_

Night was falling as the contingent of the Inquisition stopped to make camp.

As she stepped out into the crisp evening air, Amilee sighed wearily, the strenuous battle with Envy setting in her bones, making her stiff and sore.

Having to hide her power from most of those around her, it was harder for her to maintain a high mana reserve without casting stronger spells. The only magic she'd cast thus far in the presence of those even in the inquisition were barriers and minor force spells to defend her comrades, saving any offensive attacks for her daggers. With having fallen back on her rogue abilities to supplement, she'd come out with more than a few bruises and scratches from close quarters combat, even with the minions Envy had summoned for aid.

Cole had been there as well, fighting back to back with her, watching out for her and her comrades. By the end of the battle, however, the others couldn't recall the young man who had assisted them and he'd disappeared entirely before she could even ask if he would like to come with them. Her chest was still tight from that momentary fear. The fear that she would never see him again.

_Why would he have forgotten her?_ she wondered to herself as she lay sleepless in her tent the first night after they left. For what possible reason would he have done that. Unless... He had cared more about her then than she'd thought he had. Tears sprung to her eyes as the ache in her chest became sharp and she finally let herself weep over the fact she had still lost him, if only the part that knew her.

It wasn't until the wee hours of the morning, as she was drifting in and out of sleep from sorrow, that she felt it. A soft vibration that started at the back of her mind and spread all the way to her fingers and toes. She shuddered from the sensation and sighed with overwhelming relief.

He had followed.

His distant presence remained from then on, through the next day and into the night. Amilee had never felt so torn as she was now over what to do about it.

She had tried not to reveal she was distracted by it. Varric had, at one point, asked her what was on her mind but she told him it was nothing.

Leave it to her old friend to pick up on her mood. Only those she'd become close to could see beyond her mask of indifference. She closed herself off to everyone else, except when it came to completing a mission.

Since the events of Val Royaeux two years prior, Amilee had become a recluse, keeping to herself except when it came to a select few people. Leliana, her spymaster and confidant, as well as the Hawke family, which included Varric, whom she maintained constant contact through letters she wrote. Even as the Guardian of the Inquisition at present, Amilee continued to shut everyone else out. She'd accepted her life was no longer her own. Her new duty to serve and protect the people of Thedas made her to set aside all personal feelings so that she could focus solely on their goal.

But now, with Cole back in her life...

She politely excused herself from the encampment, knowing full well the others would believe she simply wanted time alone.

He was following once again, as he had done in the past. Only this time he was different, more capable of taking care of himself. And while she was glad he had survived all this time, it left her with so many questions she didn't even know where to start.

Where had he been all this time? What had happened to him after she'd 'died'? Was he following now because of her?

Honestly, she wanted that hum to stay, for him to remain with her. But that was a selfish hope, a silly idea only a lovesick girl would dare wish for. More than likely he wanted to join the cause, offer his skills as a rogue and as a spirit.

If she could, she would admit it. She had fallen for that gangly young man, endeared by his vulnerability and his courage, a familiar reflection of what she had been when she herself had first come to Thedas. While it had been chaste, the profound connection she had felt, the peace and security when it had been only the two of them... Romance and passion was one thing, but true love for the soul of another was pure, unadulterated, and immutable... And it resounded within her, even now. She could no more deny the pull of that hum anymore than she could stop breathing.

It had taken almost a weeks time for them to travel from Haven to Therinfall and the return trip would be the same. With winter setting in, it was going to be cold, especially at night. No matter how distraught she felt over the situation, she wasn't going to let Cole follow them alone, without an offer of shelter. But did she dare offer to let him close to her again, knowing full well he was not the same, their past forgotten from his mind?

Her feet knew the answer as they marched her up into the darkened treeline, over a steep hill until she spotted him crouched upon an outcropping of boulders, under a small grove of pines.

His hat lay at his side, his hair a halo of pale blond locks, now longer, the curls he'd had before now falling straight, framing his angular features. Light azure eyes slightly aglow with power from the spirit within watched her with wonder as she came to stand before him. "Sure steps, the warmth follows, tail to star but in reverse..." His brow furrowed with confusion. "You... you found me. How did you do know where I was?"

Shrugging nonchalantly, she replied gently, "I just followed the hum."

Still staring, he tilted his head in question. "What hum?"

Against her nature to keep her secrets close, she elaborated, "When I'm within a certain distance from you, I feel a hum under my skin and in my mind. The closer I get to you, the stronger it becomes. I only feel this when I'm in the presence of a spirit." She didn't elaborate it was from him specifically that she felt this particular sensation.

"Oh," was his only response. Then, "Does it hurt?"

Shaking her head quickly and chuckling, she reassured him, "Hasn't bothered me yet." She brought a hand up to twirl a lock of her hair absently, a discreet sign of her nervousness, as she blurted, "I wanted to thank you for your help with Envy. Had I not had a friend to guide me..."

"You would have fallen, dead and gone. It would have been very sad. And then very bad." He shuddered slightly. "It's good that I helped." Cocking his head, his eyes bored into hers as he asked, "A friend... Is that how you see me?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I'm... different." He lowered his head and picked at his hat, rocking his frame a bit. "Strange boy, doesn't move right. Who is that? What is he doing? You're not real! Demon!"

She bristled with instinctual objection as she moved closer and poked him slightly in the shoulder. "**That**, you are not. "Otherwise, my presence would hurt you, like I hurt Envy."

"It almost does... a slight pull from inside, a lifeline as I tread along the edge of the water," he admitted. "The depths beckon, ready to engulf me, the pull of oblivion, unmending, unmasking, unmaking. But I stay, help instead of hurt, and the warmth instills rather than inflames. It reshapes the bad to create good. Envy was more afraid of you than the Elder One, in that moment... I want it to be spirit."

"That's all up to you, hun," she reasoned with a smile. "No one else decides that for you."

There was a slight pause. "I don't suppose you followed because of me, did you?"

His face went from thoughtful to earnest, his arresting gaze meeting hers again. "You, the Herald, and your friends... You all want to help, to make things right, heal the tear in the sky. It's so loud. You need to stop it. And I want to help"

"What makes you want to?"

"I'm good at killing things, protecting people who need to be, even from themselves. They only see me if I let them. I can hear when they hurt, say what needs to be said, untangle the knot. Then they forget. That helps too."

She smiled, still enchanted by his new way of conversing, and sat on the stone next to him. "So then why are you out here rather than at the camp? I could introduce you to the others, if you like. I'm sure some would be happy to meet you. There's an elf named Solas, he likes spirits too. You might like talking with him."

"The Herald is busy..." he trailed off, averting his gaze shyly.

"Uh huh," she said, leaning into his space to nudge him lightly and quirking her nose to the side in amusement. "Or maybe you're afraid she'll turn you away?"

Chuckling softly at her insight, he agreed, "Yes, that too. You understand."

She leaned away again. "I try my best, hun."

His face conveyed frank innocence as he asked outright, "What is a hun? You call me that, but I didn't have time to ask why."

Amilee adjusted her cloak around her, facing away so he couldn't see her wistful smile. "It's a term of endearment, something to call someone you like other than their name, so they know they're special to you. Like a friend or family member. Hun is short for honey. Honey is sweet and I think you are too. Therefore, I call you hun. Strange logic, I know, but it fits."

"You think I am special? Some people say that about me but I don't think they mean it in a nice way..."

"Well then they are assholes and you should ignore them," she quipped with a sniff.

She stood and brushed off her backside, attempting to ignore the sad fact it hadn't been the first time she'd explained it to him. The first had been the second night she'd laid over him, sharing the warmth of her wolf's body, his hand on her rune so he could listen as he slowly drifted off to sleep. Her heart ached with the memory.

"If you don't like the nickname, I can stop."

"I..." he took a moment to think about it. "I don't have one for you."

She snickered then, lighthearted. "That's alright, I don't need one. I've too many other nicknames as it is." She looked up to the sky, the stars glinting at them through the trees. "It's dark now, I should head back and turn in. Maybe you'd like to come with me? If the others won't see you unless you want them to, you won't have to worry about meeting them until you're ready. And it's better than being out here in the dark by yourself."

He looked up at her with surprise, unused to such open kindness. "You care enough to make ease for others, even if they are strangers." He crossed his arms, and cocked his head to the side again, eyes narrowed in scrutiny. "You don't hear like I do. Are you sure to be so sure?"

Her lips curved up in a wry smirk at his almost devilish remark, knowing he wasn't referring to himself. "You did see what I did to Envy, right? Who in their right mind would try to take advantage of me?" She stepped away, indicating ahead of her. "My tent isn't very large, but it's warm inside and I have enough room on the bedroll for you to sleep too. Or you can wander about the camp, your choice."

"Thank you," he said again with a soft smile, before sobering. "But I don't sleep. I thought I had to before, but the Fade pulls me." Standing at her side, she felt small in comparison, despite his lean frame. His head bowed as he fiddled with his hand wrappings. "No notice, no sound if a hurt calls me."

She shrugged. "Fair enough, hun. Follow me then."

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Amilee hadn't slept so soundly in over two years. Cole had stayed in the tent most of the night, perusing to inspect her simple belongings and listening to the others outside. Her body reveled in his presence, contented to slip away into sleep. The nightmares she always had from the Blight and Adamant were blessedly calmed.

It took Cassandra barking and kicking at her feet for her to wake and when she did so, she smiled as she sat up and stretched.

Cole sat unseen by the Seeker in the corner, watching.

"Maker's breath, Amilee. You were sleeping like the dead. You aren't falling ill, are you?" Cassandra demanded warily, narrowing her eyes in scrutiny.

"Nah. Just a really good dream," she said. "Sorry, Cass, I'll be out in a second."

"Alright," was the clip reply, the dark haired warrior pursing her lips. "And stop calling me that."

As the Seeker left the tent, Amilee hopped out of her bedroll and slipped on her shoes and cloak. When she pulled up her hair into it's bun, Cole spoke.

"She likes it when you call her that. Distant as the horizon, a door closed against Faith. Succor for a comrade, but no warmth as a friend. You are kind to her but will not make time unless it's necessary..." HIs head titled from one side to another, eyes hidden by the hat. "They all wonder why you shut them out... How can I help your hurt if I can't hear it?" he queried with mild distress.

Unwilling to deny she had any, she responded hesitantly, "You can just ask me, hun. But my hurts... They stem from many things. It would take longer than I have right now to explain them all. I can tell you some later if you like, but in the meantime, I'll be alright."

He nodded and after a moment, began reciting a nearby soldier's thoughts. "Spatter of red on my armor, glistening, gleaming, so many, too many to fight, I didn't see her before I swung. Her body falls like the shelf I knocked over in the great hall at the marquee's summer home, armor bulky and banging, too clumsy to be this. I should stop, leave before I do it again."

Amilee listened calmly as she packed up her things and he stepped out.

Now that she accepted his new personality, she began to wonder what sort of spirit he was, that would grant solace to someone who was in pain. Thinking back to when she'd been in the Fade with Justice, she recalled his list of commonly known spirits: Justice, of course, and the wisps that were her main encounters. Valor, Wisdom, Fortitude, Faith, Love, Compassion... Compassion.

That would make sense. His empathy would align most with that emotion. But what had triggered the change, from a lost boy that thought he had to kill to keep himself real, to a vagrant spirit who could hear people hurting and ease that pain?

With Wynne and Anders, she could tell they were human, simply possessed. Justice had been a distant buzz in her head, creating a need to move, to do something more. Faith had been a slight cooling sensation, like a wind across a pond. It cleared her head, helped her see beyond her doubts.

With Cole though, she couldn't discern where the young man ended and the spirit began. She hadn't even thought of him as more than just Cole before, but now that she thought about it, the hum was stronger and more effecting of her being than any spirit she'd ever met.

Was he simply the spirit then? Had he always been a spirit and the boy a facade? She wanted to ask him, to find out what had happened after Adamant, but she was afraid of scaring him off.

So she would have to settle for not knowing. For now.

* * *

_Three Days Later_

When Herah and Amilee had first woken in Haven, they had both been declared prisoners, accused of causing the explosion at the Conclave and killing everyone that had attended.

With the severity of the charges, even Leliana's ties with the infamous Hawk weren't enough to keep her out of chains.

Cassandra had interrogated them and taken both out to bear witness to the Breach. Herah had been startled and upset but Amilee was terrified. The thought of demons roaming freely in Thedas struck terror inside her, fearing the inevitable confrontations with these Fade dwellers would test her control over her unique power.

They'd journeyed to a tear in the Fade, otherwise called a rift, to fight off a demonic horde, Amilee keeping away from the fray so she would not reveal her strange ability as Herah showed off her prowess with a very large wooden club. After Herah had successfully closed her first rift, Amilee had a tearful reunion with Varric and a pleasant introduction to Solas, an apostate elf who had great knowledge of the inner workings of the Fade and it's inhabitants.

Once the battle at the Temple of Sacred Ashes was done, Herah having cosed the rift with her mark and Amilee having prevented any loss of life with her deflecting barriers, they seemed much less of a threat to everyone. In fact, the two of them had gained new titles for themselves: The Herald of Andraste and the Guardian of Haven.

It was after they debriefed in the war room that Cassandra declared the Inquisition reborn, their directive to investigate the origin of the explosion and ultimately close the Breach. Excitement and dread warred within Amilee when she realized she was walking down yet another adventurous path.

"Might I have a word, Amilee?"

Startled out of her daydream, the smaller mage looked up from the snow the group was wading through on horseback to find Solas had come up alongside her. The elf carried an air of wisdom, almost arrogant in his assurance of value. He could be considered handsome with with his strong jawline and regal air about him but Amilee wasn't young or naive enough to believe this was all he was. Something told her he carried more secrets than he let on.

To his request, she replied, "Of course."

They slowed their horses considerably, allowing the others to pull ahead. Once they were out of earshot, the elf explained, "I wanted you to know, I have met an acquaintance of yours."

Quick to smile, she confirmed, "Cole."

He returned her expression with one of pleasant surprise, unused to seeing her mood so quick to brighten. "Yes. He told me of how you two met. You are very lucky, do you know that?"

"Sometimes I'm not so sure," she responded, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. "Why do you say so?"

"To overcome a demon such as Envy, one must have great willpower. I regret that I've neglected to take the time to speak with you beyond necessity. But with what Cole has told me, you seem to have the unique ability to absorb demonic energy, using it to create magic in turn. If I may ask, how did you come to acquire this gift?"

"It's not really a gift..." she grumbled, shifting in her saddle nervously. Wrestling a moment with her need to keep things private, she decided to acquiesce. "A magister had kept me captive for a time, long ago. He had me taught Tevene in an attempt to extract 'secrets' I may have held. There weren't any secrets to be learned of course, I was just a girl pulled into the wrong place at the wrong time. But when he couldn't get anything out of me, he attempted to perform a binding ritual to force my servitude. It... backfired and the ritual took on a form all it's own. The demon he'd summoned for assistance disappeared, transferring mana and a spell burst from within me. Suffice it to say, the magister did not live to regret his decision." Adjusting her collar, she continued, "There was a keeper of a clan camped on Sundermount a few years back named Marethari. She had a word for it. Rulecar something or other."

"_Rulen cairn," _the elf corrected gently. _"_I had not thought I'd meet someone able to survive the condition, let alone have it in the first place. Any details and instructions for ritual have been lost ages ago. You are indeed quite lucky."

He proceeded to ask her many more questions, having momentarily forgotten his original purpose in starting the conversation. By the time his curiosity over her power was sated, the first few years of her history in Tevinter and Kirkwall were revealed, minus her intimate past with Anders. In the time that had passed during the conversation, the group had finally reached the outskirts of Haven.

"So back to the subject of Cole, are you certain of what he is?"

"I believe he is... in between. A spirit who has become human, at least in body. He isn't a demon, though I'm starting to think he had been at one point. But I will make sure the others understand if they accuse him as such."

He chuckled. "Yes, you, of all people would know if he was. I wonder if you can identify what sort of spirit he is."

"If I could venture a guess? I would say Compassion. He's not very stoic, as I'd imagine Justice or Fortitude to be. Faith and Valor, I think, would be more confident. If he was Love, I'd think he'd be more concerned with tending to and creating relationships, not focused on healing a person's pain. He's... more subtle and shy. Maybe it's a more specific, rarer emotion, I'm not sure."

Seemingly impressed by her answer, Solas nodded. "Your assumption is correct, although Compassion itself **is** a rare spirit. It is fascinating, that one of his temperament could find the will to manifest a body, especially that of a young man. It will be interesting to see in what ways he will help the Inquisition."

Amilee simply nodded her agreement, burnt out from talking and unable to continue the conversation without revealing her past with Cole. As they entered the gates to Haven, she bid the elf a polite goodnight and headed for the war room to discuss their journey, before turning in.

* * *

**Please feel free to follow this story and let me know what you think with a review!**


	3. Gentle Hands and Kind Words

**I own nothing of Dragon Age. Just Amilee.**

**Thank you to Hypermuffins, I was starting to think my story wasn't cutting it. As a fellow colemancer, I appreciate your feedback. **

***Read her stuff, I recommend it. :)***

*****Edited 4/12/17*****

* * *

_-Haven War Room-_

"You disbanded the Templar order without the Inquisition's authority?" Cullen groused in accusation.

Cassandra interjected, "You did not see what they had done, Commander."

Radiating frustration, the blonde former templar"You all fought bravely, but that decision should have been made by all of us. Not just you."

"The order was in chaos. We had to shape it going forward or risk losing it entirely," Herah claimed in her defense.

"They didn't have a proper chain of command anymore, Cullen. With so many of the higher ranks having fallen to the red lyrium, there was no way to appoint anyone until investigations were made to make certain there would be no more subterfuge. As you already command our army, you would have been hard pressed to direct the templars as a separate entity," Amilee reasoned. "And with Cassandra lending her assistance in the field, she would not have the time to oversee them."

Josephine nodded to them both in acknowledgement of their reasoning. "I would have preferred willing allies, but the Order put their trust in our Herald. Surely that's what we wanted?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Amilee had spotted the shifting of a large hat in the corner of the room. As the others had yet to acknowledge Cole's presence, she'd let him be, keeping her focus on the conversation. It was hard though, as he was slowly circling the war table, studying the others with a great curiosity.

"A few dozen veterans are coming ahead of the rest, to help seal the Breach," Leliana noted to the others

As Cole crawled up onto the table to examine the figurines upon it, Amilee tried to withhold the snicker that bubbled up.

Having cought the sound and seeing Amilee cover her mouth, Herah raised a brow incredulously as she asked, "You find something amusing, Guardian?"

She couldn't help it. Leaning forward and holding her sides, she cackled for a moment at the ridiculousness of the situation. Ignoring the surprised faces of her fellow advisors, she gently chastised the curious spirit. "Cole! You're making a mess of the war table."

The others were startled to say the least as he revealed himself to them in a burst of smoke. As he continued to study one the round marker he'd picked up, he said calmly, "I sometimes forget you can always see me. Its alright though, I remember where the piece goes." To the others he added, "The veterans are almost here. Templars don't like to be late."

Cassandra and Cullen had pulled their swords as he'd spoken, Herah crouching to her fighting stance.

"Wait!" Amilee cried in alarm, all humor vanished. "It's alright, he's a friend."

"You know this creature?" Cassandra retorted, unwilling to lay down arms. "Of course, he's the one you were talking to when we faced Envy at Therinfall. What is he?"

"I'm Cole," he replied, as if saying so was enough explanation. He stepped down from the table to face heand Herah.

"Like I said," Amilee stated as she pushed Cassandra's sword away firmly. "He's my friend. And he has something to ask you all, right?"

"Yes," he nodded, almost eagerly.

"A moment please, Cassandra. I would like to hear why he came," Leliana offered encouragingly, the only one to have remained composed beyond Amilee.

"You help people," he said, directing his gaze around at the others under the brim of his hat. "You made them safe when they would have died. I want to do that. I can help."

"Amilee?" Herah prompted.

"He saved my life in Therinfall. Were it not for his help, I could have perished at the hands of Envy and none of you would have been the wiser. And with how much some of you trust me... In the grand scheme of things, Cole saved all of us with his intervention."

"But what does he want now?" Cassandra demanded, suspicion getting the better of her.

"Exactly what he says, Cass. He just wants to help us."

"I won't be in the way. Tiny, no trouble, no notice unless you want them to," the young man said, picking at his hand wrappings in trepidation.

Amilee wanted to reach out and still his hands with hers but instead placed her hand breifly on his shoulder, an offer of support. "His invisibility and rogue skills would benifit us when undertaking covert operations and his ability to discern the feelings of others would help in detection of enemy or ally.' She stepped back to look Cassandra in the eye. "In other words, he would be an invalueable addition to our team."

"Sounds resonable to me," Herah agreed with a nod. "If you trust him, I see no reason to turn him away."

"You're not honestly suggesting we give him run of the camp?" Cullen scoffed.

Josephine reasoned, "Not freely perhaps. But it seems a waste to- Hold on."

The puff of smoke was the only indication to Amilee that he had disappeared on them. As he placed the marker back where it belonged and took his leave, she shook her head, chest shaking with mirth as the others were dumbfounded. "Don't worry, I can always find him when needed."

Brow furrowed, Cullen prompted, "So you can see him, even when we can't."

"As I could anyone else. Please understand, I am vouching for his character. Were I not certain of his intentions, I would say so."

Cullen narrowed his gaze at her, almost as though he was annoyed by her defense of Cole. "How can you be so trusting of a... whatever he is, you just met?"

"You gave me that courtesy once, didn't you?" Amilee countered, a brow raised as her eyes locked with his. She was referring to when he was still a templar in Kirkwall and had turned a blind eye when he first witnessed her power.

"Thats not the same thing." His voice lowered a degree and she knew she had won the debate.

"It is and you know it."

"As you say," Cassandra sighed, also resigning from the argument. "I just hope you know what you are doing."

"I'll have people watch the boy when Amilee is indisposed, but let's not be distracted from the Breach," Leliana replied.

"We'll need your help when the Templar veterans arrive," Cullen said to Herah, . "Take time to prepare while you can."

* * *

_-Later that evening-_

Amilee groaned as she plopped face down on her bed, the strain from her back settling causing her to stiffen. Her body ached from sparring with Krem, one of The Iron Bull's Chargers. He'd dared to imply in passing that a mage like her couldn't handle close quarters combat with a warrior from Tevinter and she was in just the right mood to prove him otherwise.

Suffice it to say, she'd made good friends with the rest of the Chargers after handing Krem his ass. Although if she didn't know any better, the Charger's second had said it on purpose, somehow knowing she needed to blow off steam.

While First Enchanter Vivienne was very refined and wise to the ways of the Game and the Circle, she was very judgmental and apparently very vocal about her preconceived notions towards spirits and demons. When the dark skinned mage questioned Amilee's competence for allowing a demon into their ranks, Amilee had to walk away before she flat out slugged the bitch.

"The warmth and wax of the candle wanes, after too long of warring and heated exchange," Cole said suddenly from the shadows, startling her out of her recollection.

It took her a moment to process why he had said so. "No problem, hun," she murmured sleepily, to tired to sit up. "Are you settling in alright?"

"The blacksmith was sad about his daughter's death, so I found him the letter she'd written to him that he'd misplaced. Now he won't yell at his apprentice for shaping the gauntlets wrong."

"That's good. He was pretty grumpy, last time I talked to him."

"Josephine asked if I had found a bed yet and I told her I didn't sleep. How can the boy not sleep, that's so strange. Hat too big, body too thin, does he not eat either? She is very kind though, didn't say what she thought."

Smiling faintly, she rolled onto her side. "Most people haven't met anyone like you before. It'll take them time to adjust to your differences. Don't let it discourage you."

"Varric is kind. He told me a story about a lion and a mouse. He said you'd written it. I liked it."

"It's a children's story from... somewhere. It teaches that any manner of beast or being can be friends when given the opportunity."

"Kid, says the Stone, kid, kidding. He would keep me kept with a name but the cairn can't catch me," he said softly.

She hummed absently, rolling over to look up at him. "He gives everyone nicknames, whatever they remind him of most. It's one of his... Well, quirks. He's a good man though, I've known him a long time."

A sad smile played on the spirt's lips. "He calls you Doll. Small and soft, made to heft, hold, and hug in play. A gentle friend. He misses you."

She frowned at that stament. "What do you mean. We see each other every day"

Kneeling beside the bed, Cole cocked his head to see her face and her heart began to race from his nearness. "You are not the same anymore. He misses you you were before the man who hurt you. Anders."

"Oh." She shifted uncomfortably. "That was a long time ago."

"He thought it would make the man better, would make you both happy to be together. But in the end it only made you sad... And Ander's dead. He's sorry he brought you two together."

Tears pricked her eyes before she shook her head on her pillow. "He couldn't have known. It wasn't his fault."

The shadow that was his hat bowed in agreement. "I told him. He knows, but he still wishes it hadn't happened... Anders had Justice inside of him."

"Yes," she breathed the conversation heading further in a direction she didn't want it to go.

"A girl cowers as away as Blondie steps toward her. 'I will have my vengeance' he cries as takes his staff and plunges it through her stomach. Hawke didn't say the right words, couldn't pull him from darkness, too angry at him for turning you away. Justice became Vengeance. "

"Cole..." Amilee pleaded as she closed her eyes tight and placed a hand on his chest as if to stop him.

"Am I hurting you?" His brow furrowed, uncertainty in his gaze as he looked down at that hand, fingers twitching to do something, but he wasn't sure what. "I'm sorry, if I say it wrong... I just want to understand so I don't... Anders made the mistake, not Varric. It was his burden, his decision, his wrongdoing. No one else could have known his plan, he made it that way. A knight knows when to sacrifice himself so that another may prevail. He left you with hope that you could find happiness with another. He knew he hurt you, but staying would have hurt more."

She remained silent and pulled her hand back, unable to form a reply.

"He was wrong to kill her. Like I was wrong to kill them. I don't want to be that again," he murmured morosely, taking her small action as a sign he needed to leave.

Even though he wasn't aware she understood his reference, he'd said it. And before she could reassure him he wasn't like Anders, he'd ghosted out the door. The hum faded swiftly as she lay on the bed awake, unable to sleep for a long time after.

* * *

_-The Next Day-_

"You look like shit, Guardian," Herah commented wryly as the inner circle and a group of newly acquired Templars walked the long path leading to the Temple of Sacred Ashes.

"Why thank you for noticing, Herald," Amilee quipped back dryly. "I didn't sleep well last night."

"The nightmares, again? Cassandra mentioned you've been sleeping pretty soundly the past several days. What changed?"

Due to their partnership, Amilee had disclosed most of her issues to the Qunari, in case it ever became a problem for them. Minus Cole and her otherworldly origin, of course. Since the time of the Blight, Amilee had been struggling with numerous forms of nightmarish dreams: Anders death, the battle with the Archdemon, dying in the Fade, and finding Cole's body in the sewers were the bulk of them. The worst one's though, were of her in a cemetery, reading the tombstones with the names of her friends and family on them. And no one standing beside her. What made this the worst of all nightmares was the knowledge that, if she survived long enough, the dream would one day become a reality.

Leliana and Cullen were already vaguely aware of her night terrors as well, Leliana through their missions together and Cullen through an embarrassing night of him storming her room after she awoke, screaming her head off about 'Zombies'. She had been in nothing but her underclothes, which was why she always stayed dressed when she went to bed now.

But that wasn't the reason she didn't sleep. She worried for Cole, after he admitted he still struggled with his darkness. In light of that fact, she'd come to the conclusion that ahe couldn't reveal their past to him, certain it would only cause more problems for the young man. It was last night that she decided to set aside her pining to make way for friendship, ready to support him with that struggle.

The small mage shrugged, playing it off as simple stress. "I don't know. Just worried about what's going to happen, I guess."

The Qunari smiled confidently, "We can't worry about whether or not this works. It just has to. Otherwise, who else can save the world?"

"I hope so," Amilee conceded as Herah quickened her pace to speak to Leliana. While the Qunari wasn't one for long speeches, she and Amilee had created a friendship almost unique in comparison to all others.

She turned slightly to look behind her, through the others to see what Cole was doing. Solas was speaking with him, their words too soft to hear, but from the look on their faces, it was a serious conversation.

"Hey, Doll." Varric greeted as he came up alongside her. "What's on your mind?"

She smiled down warmly at her favorite dwarf and didn't miss a beat. "How boned we'll be if this doesn't work."

He lifted his hand as he shrugged. "I don't know about you, but I've got an excellent plan B ready to go for us if this shit turns south."

"Yeah? What do you have in mind?"

"We ditch the heavyweights to fend for themselves and both run 'til our stubby little legs fall off," he said with a crazed look in his eyes.

She didn't know what she had expected out of him. Caught off guard, she burst into a fit of jovial laughter. The entire inner circle went quiet, unused to the sound of the Guardian's amusement and she quickly reigned in her mirth when she realized this.

"What?" she asked no one in particular, bristling under their critical eyes. But all she received were chuckles and shakes of the head as they continued their trek up into the mountainside.

Chuckling, Varric smiled. "Nice to see you're still in there, Doll. Thought I'd have to break out the really bad jokes if you didn't crack a smile soon." He then waved before, he too, turned away to speed up.

"Chimes dance in the wind, a sharp sound bright with music. The song almost forgotten," Cole commented, appearing to her left. "It was you for a moment and they remembered."

"They remembered what?" she asked, confounded.

His smile was soft, barely there. "That you're more than the name they gave you."

She paused, taken aback by this. She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. "It doesn't really matter," she muttered lowly, staring hard at the ground. "**I** don't really matter, just getting through this and saving the people..."

Brow furrowed in confusion, the young man twisted his fingers together, eyes piercing as he contradicted her statement. "Yes, you do... I can't hear why you feel this way, but I-I know it's wrong." Almost exasperated, he placed a hand on her shoulder and mumbled, "You are just as important to them as the people we try to help. You must remember this."

Her heart clenched at his words and despite her resolve to hide her emotions, a sheen of moisture filmed over her eyes. "I... Thanks, hun. I'll try."

* * *

**Reviews and favorites welcome!**


	4. In A Red Haze

**I own nothing of Dragon Age. Just Amilee.**

*****Revised 4/12/17*****

* * *

_"For now you can stay, right here we will play, until somehow you can find, a slightly different frame of mind, right here in my arms, away from all harm, you'll be safe from all the flares, although I know you don't care..."_ -Frame of Mind by Tristam, Braken

* * *

"Why are we having a party? We still don't know what caused the Breach," Amilee growled as she watched the citizens of Haven dance merrily in the courtyard. In the past few hours her mood had been spiraling, a strange inability to control her emotions growing. Something was going on with her and she didn't know what.

Standing next her was Cullen, as they looked on from the battlements near the entrance to the city. The Herald had returned earlier that day to declare their success, although the quiet of the skies was testament enough. She had gone on to tell the people that while there was still work to be done, but that evening they would feast.

"That is a matter for tomorrow, Amilee. Can we not take this time to celebrate our victory?" He leaned on the stone parapet to look over at her, obviously trying to discern what was really on her mind. "Must you remain closed off, even now? Lay down arms for one night. Join your friends in celebration, you deserve as much."

"You're one to talk, Commander," she quipped back absently.

When she had first approached Cullen as a tentative ally, he had been recovering from the tortures from the abominations at the Circle in Ferelden. She explained to him her situation, although she had been vague about the timeline, telling him that the next time he saw her, she would be younger and very much in need of his help. She gave him clear instructions to pretend he didn't know her and to be merciful in his judgment when it came to her being a mage. She wasn't sure at first, why he had agreed so readily, but years later, when she gave him the letter he was to give her brother after the fight with Meridith, he had asked if she might have an interest in him romatically.

Having just been turned away by Anders, she'd told him gently that she had no such interest, although she would not mind being considered a close friend. Every few months during her time as the Hawk, they would write letters, venting to each other about their jobs and minor personal issues. It seemed to be enough for them. On some level, he understood it was all she could give, and she was grateful for this.

"We gained the Templars from Therinfall Redoubt, but what of the others in Thedas. Could they not have fallen to the same fate as the ones we fought? And who is the Elder One-"

"You spend so much time worrying about everyone else." Sighing, he crossed his arms. "What happened to you, Amilee? You've changed. And I'm not sure-"

Her eyes turned and focused on something beyond the valley in the mountains and her hand came up indicating silence, halting his words. A low thrum had crawled up her spine, a trilling buzz at the back of her mind.

Sighing in exasperation, Cullen relented, "What is it?"

"Something's coming." Amilee narrowed her eyes further as Cole appeared at her side.

"The Elder One comes. He is very angry that we took his templars," the spirit whispered, his eyes alight with anxious worry. "He brings his mages instead. We have to move!"

Amilee touched Cole's arm gently to to instill calm between them. "He is that near?"

"Yes. He comes to kill the Herald. For her mark."

Sure enough, the warning bells sounded from the watch tower and she immediately looked to Cullen, taking charge. "Go find the others and tell them what's happening. Cole, I need you to help the townspeople take shelter. Tell as many as you can to get to the Chantry."

Both men stood still for a moment, hesitating at her instructions. "And what, pray tell, are **you** going to do?" Cullen asked warily.

"What I do best," she ground out cryptically. "Now go!"

Surprised by the authority in her voice, Cullen nodded curtly and walked away in search of the other advisers. Cole, however, remained.

"There's no time..." he fretted softly, azure eyes imploring and hands fidgeting as he leaned his head in toward hers. "I may not hear you, but I see you're hurting. It makes the warmth less, a stuttering pulse. Listless, languid, lethargic. Something wears you down. Please don't let whatever it is break in like Envy."

Before she could reply he turned and ran, intent on following her directions. For a spirit who couldn't hear her, he already knew well enough about her to notice when something was wrong. Was it that he somehow remembered her tendencies subcousiously? She shook her head at the notion and took a deep breath to focus on what lay ahead.

She spotted a small figure running their way off in the distance, a few others not far behind. Jumping down from the impossible height of the battlements to the ground below, she allowed her force to slow the fall. Then she ran like a bat out of hell towards this new person. Within minutes, she'd met them halfway between the pass and Haven.

"Going somewhere?" she queried breathlessly.

The man halted as she did and he turned to face the group of mages that still approached. "I wasn't planning on stopping," he quipped wryly as he pulled his staff out from its holster on his back. Spinning once, he released a spirit bomb that knocked the five or so enemies down, stunning them for the moment.

"I assume you know what's going on, then?"

"Indeed. Although, I find myself fashionably late to the party." He turned back to her and she got a better look at him. His clothes were Tevinter in origin but dirty, his black hair greasy from a lack of bathing, but still well kept, as were the curls of his mustache over his charming half smile. His skin was a dark olive tone and he had a beauty mark an inch from the corner of his right eye. Dashing was the word that came to her mind. And if the personality she glimpsed just then was anything to go by, the word fit him well.

"Well, get your arse in gear and keep going. I'll hold them off. I can see you're already exhausted as it is."

He frowned. "There's an army of mages on its way here and you want to face them alone?"

"Crazy, I know. But I've got a few tricks up my sleeve. Go on then. Ask for Herah and tell her Amilee sent you."

Too tired to argue, he shrugged. "By your leave, my dear. I wish you luck."

As he continued on his way past her, she stared at the massive force bearing down on the valley. The ones the man had knocked to the ground were coming to and she waited patiently for them to stand. Her _kunai_, all twenty of them, had slipped out of their sheaths and positioned themselves to fan out behind her.

The enemy stared as smiled gleefully, a red glint coming to her eyes. "It's a shame I can't do this more often."

Before the first mage could cast in defense, her weapons pointed at their targets and flew, faster than the eye could see, seeming to weave back and forth between the lot of them. By the time she stopped, the enemy soldiers were nothing but a pile of gored limbs and blood on the ground.

"Can't even put up a fight," she clucked with mock disdain, then paused in sudden horror. What the hell was wrong with her that she would delight in killing these people, enemy or not?

A dark energy resonated within her and caused her lyrium rune to glow faintly. She winced and turned to its source on a high rise to her left. A too tall, misshapen man look down upon Haven, a woman standing on his other side. The army behind them was vast, too many to hold off by her weapons alone. And the others would be too worried for the innocent lives in need of protection to focus all effort on such a battle. There was only one way she could cut them off.

She doubled back until she was directly between Haven and the army. Pulling in all the power she could from the mages ahead, she conjured a great ball of energy and shot it high into the air. A huge barrier began to form extending far and wide until it met with the ground and expanded into a translucent shield, barring the mages from coming any further. Maintaining the spell she backed away slowly, making her way to the gates once more.

Scattered enemies yelled in outrage, casting magic and swinging weapons uselessly against her barrier. A great bellow of anger sounded from beyond. She looked up and the creature, the Elder One she assumed, glaring down at her with great menace. Score one for the little mage, she thought with a smirk, flicking him off in defiance.

The Herald swaggered over to her from the gates. "I guess we don't need the trebuchets," Herah commented as she awed at the sight.

Shaking her head quickly, Amilee cried, "I can't hold it up for long! Do what you need to do with them before I run out of mana!"

Taking immediate action, Herah, The Iron Bull, and Cassandra scrambled to prepare the trebuchets and fire them upon the mountain beyond. They cheered with excitement as an avalanche was brought down upon the helpless army, effectively burying them beneath it.

"Alright, Amilee. I think its safe to release the spell," Cullen urged gently.

Before she could respond a great ball of red electricity flew at the height barrier, shortin it out. Above them came a piercing cry as a black dragon descended to fire more upon the buildings within the walls.

The rune at her throat flared again, starting to burn and Amilee cried out in shock and pain, collapsing to her knees in sudden weakness. Fed up with the offending trinket, she ripped her rune off tossing it away as the red darkened, turning completely black and bursting into dust. She heard whispering all around her and her blood ran cold.

"You were saying?" Amilee sneered to the commander, unable to quell the anger seething within. This was the Elder One's fault. She'd never had any issues with red lyrium before. How was she supposed to protect the people now that the focal point of her magic was gone? She ran with Herah and the others, helping the last of the villagers get to the Chantry, trying in vain to keep her anger and the whispers at bay.

The chancellor, Roderick, greeted them at the Chantry door but he struggled to stay standing, a wound in his side.

"He tried to stop a templar. The blade went deep. He is going to die." Cole had come to catch the man before he fell, to support him, leading the poor man to sit in a chair.

"What a charming boy," Roderick groaned with sarcasm.

Cullen came back from further inside. "Saytie, Amilee. Our position is not good. While you bought us time to get most of our people in here, we have nowhere to go now. There have been no demands, only advance, after advance."

"There was no bargaining with the mages. This Elder One takes what it wants."

Cullen nodded in acknowledgment to Dorian as he approached them. "This place could hold off the dragon for a while but..."

"I've seen an Archdemon. I was in the Fade but it looked like that," Cole said as he knelt next to Roderick.

Amilee nodded in agreement. "I've seen one as well. While I wouldn't mind finding a way to kill it, getting the villagers to safety comes first."

"The Elder One doesn't care about the village," Cole interjected. "He only wants the Herald."

"From what I gathered from Redcliffe," Dorian added. "It marched all this way for you."

"If it will save these people, he can have me," Herah replied.

"It won't." Cole and Amilee countered.

"This force does not seem concerned about specifics," the Tevinter mage agreed.

"He wants to kill you," the young man continued. "No one else matters but he'll crush them, kill them anyway. I don't like him."

"You don't like-" Cullen started with frustration.

Amilee cut him off, "They're right. A man who would tear a hole in the sky wouldn't care who is caught in the cross fire. A smarter man would use those we protect against us."

"There are no tactics to make this survivable. Unless you can turn into a dragon..."

Bringing her hand to her neck, she growled, "Now that my runestone is gone, I'd have to drain power from what few mages we have to preform such a feat. I'll not risk anyone to attempt a spell I haven't used before."

He turned his gaze upon Herah. "You could lure the beast down, turn the remaining trebuchets and cause another avalanche."

"We'd bury Haven!" she objected.

"We're dying, but we can decide how. Many don't get that choice."

Dorian was appalled."That's not acceptable. I didn't race here only to have you drop rocks on my head."

"What of the innocents we harbor, Cullen?" Amilee cried, outraged. "Would they want to go out holed up in here? Is there no other way to escape?"

"Chancellor Roderick can help," Cole interjected quietly. "He wants to say it before he dies."

"There is a path. You wouldn't know it unless you made the summer pilgrimage, as I have." The old priest moved to stand before the Herald as he went on. "The people can escape. She must have shown me. Andraste must have shown me so I could- could tell you."

"What are you on about, Roderick?" Saytie asked.

As he explained further Amilee's head began to pound and she winced. Though she had discarded her runestone, the dark power roaring inside was building as were the whispers, which meant the man was somehow getting closer. Without her runestone, she would continue to absorb the man's strange power little by little and it was already twisting her thoughts, making her feel anger as she'd never felt before. She caught Cole's glance, the world on pause as she poured all her emotion into her gaze. Then she headed for the doors without prompting, intent on leaving before she did something she'd regret and the others turned to her as they finished conversing.

"Amilee?" Herah called out.

"I have to go," she called behind her as she shoved at the door. "I'm sorry."

They all cried for her to stop, but before they could reach her, she'd slipped out. When Herah followed, she was nowhere in sight. The small mage was gone.

* * *

Once the inquisition had settled for camp late into the next day, Cole recounted the events of previous evening to the other companions, describing Amilee's state before she'd disappeared.

The others were more focused on her giant barrier spell, confused as to how Amilee could perform such a feat.

Solas, who had become well versed in the nature of Amilee's gift, explained beyond just her history. "She's a _rulen cairn _as titled by the People. It means magic stealer. A cautionary tale, exemplifying one of the worst rituals ancient Tevinter produced, but as she has proved it time and again, Amilee's power is unprecedented. The one who performed the ritual on her was very unfortunate to have done so."

"Why's that?" Sera asked as she chomped away on an apple.

Varric, who had been reluctant to reveal her past, elaborated grimly, "She made the guy explode. So yeah, he had no clue what he was doing."

Solas turned to the dwarf. "How old is she again, exactly?"

Varric shifted uncomfortably, replying, "She came to be with the Hawke family when she was about nineteen. During the fight with Knight-Commander Meredith, her runestone and the red lyrium sword reacted to each other and it... sent her back in time to the year of the Blight. She's as old as me now, if not a year or so younger."

Sera interrupted with a choking cough. "That's complete shite. That little chit can't be that much older than me. And time travel? That's a load of ballocks!"

"Stranger things have happened," Solas pointed out, gesturing to the sky.

"Go ask Leliana if you need more proof, Buttercup. But fact is, Amilee is nearly forty. She just doesn't act like it most of the time."

"What does her age have to do with anything?" Cole asked in confusion, .

"Between the lyrium and the nature of her gifts, it is not impossible to believe she is immortal as the People once were. So long as she maintains her life force, that is," Solas pointed out. "I'd not thought a person could survive the condition so long. It's fascinating. The red lyrium rune is what helped her control her power, correct?"

Varric rubbed his neck absently. "Yeah, she's had that thing for years. At first we weren't sure it would be safe for anyone, with what the way it screwed up my brother in only a short time. But she was insistent that she didn't hear the strange music. So that, coupled with the fact that it was helping to control her power, it seemed far better for her to have it than risk someone else finding it. It's never effected her until now."

"Why **did** it effect her?" The Iron Bull asked, finally joining in the conversation.

Cole explained softly, "She bends the old songs to her will, reshaping the power for herself. As long as she wears it, no one can be turned by it's whispers. But the Elder One... he beckoned the whispers into screams. Her eyes..." He hugged his hat to his chest. "They'd gone red like the templars at Therinfall. She is her, but the warmth twisted to burning cold. She needs help."

Solas responded grimly, "It seems with the Elder One's presence in this world, she was losing control of it. It would have begun to warp her mind so she fled to keep us safe. Even if this Corypheus hadn't shown up at Haven, which most likely intensified the reaction, it would have eventually turned her against us."

"Damnit!" Varric cursed, running his hand over his head in exasperation. He'd already mentioned to them his past encounter with Corypheus, which made him feel ten times worse about the situation.

The pale blonde rocked back and forth where he sat, picking at the frayed edges of his hat. "She ran to protect, not to abandon. We sit around talking, but it could already be too late! We have to find her!"

"Kid, we're all concerned about her but we have to figure out what to do when we find her, first. When the Herald gets back, we can make a plan to track her down, okay."

"Wanting, waning, wilting without warmth." He muttered to himself as he rubbed his chest absently. "Call to the star but no answer, alone again. I miss it. I miss her."

Patting the young man on the back, Varric sighed, "She's a Hawke. She has that effect on people. We'll find her, Kid, I promise."

Solas narrowed his eyes in consideration of Cole's behavior, but didn't comment on the spirit's odd attachment. "I have a good chunk of lyrium that would suffice for her needs until a new runestone can be made. She will need it when you find her. I shall retrieve it at once."

* * *

The young man and the dwarf tracked down the advisers quickly, waiting until they settled down from a bout of incessant bickering before approaching them. "So, uh, we wanted to know if anyone's concocted an idea to find Amilee?"

"She never turned up?" Josephine queried, shock evident. "First the Herald and now the Guardian..."

"Andraste's tits..." Cullen bowed his head, rubbing his temple in worry. He explained to the other advisers, "She did not look well last we saw of her. I'm not sure what was wrong but it looked serious. She ran away before we could ask. I should have thought of it sooner, but with the mess we're all in right now..."

"Yeah, about that," Varric started, wincing. "We think she might be in danger of turning into red lyrium fiend."

A collective "What?" sounded from them.

Cassandra was appalled by this. "No, there is no way. She cannot take in lyrium, she said it would kill her!"

Cullen closed his eyes and brought a hand to his brow, his response knowing. "Her runestone."

Woefully, Cole elaborated. "The Elder One changed it to change her."

"But she took it off," the commander reasoned. "Wouldn't that have broken its hold on her?"

Varric grimaced. "Yes... and no. First off, withdrawal from red lyrium can be more devastating than taking it. Voices, seeing things, and aggression come either way. Not pretty. Secondly, if she doesn't have a dispelling rune on her at all times, she can't control her intake of mana. If she expends enough magic, she could overcome it, but... she used a lot at Haven. And as far as I'm aware, she left without a source of mana to keep herself up to snuff. She casts any magic right now, she could die."

"Then you'll need to find her quickly. But she is very good at hiding when she doesn't want to be found. It would be like looking for a needle in a haystack," Leliana groused.

Josephine grimaced, "Or a diamond in a gold mine."

"Or a Qunari in a snowstorm," Cullen muttered grimly.

"Or... a hole in the sky?"

The lot of them turned to Cole and after a moment they burst into an uneasy laughter.

The young man frowned, looking down to his dwarven friend. "Was that wrong?"

Varric wiped a tear from his eye as he chuckled, "We're naming things that are difficult to find, Kid, not things that would stand out. But it was a good try."

Gripping the lyrium chunk Solas had given them, Cole offered, "I feel her when she's near, inside. Soothing, stilling and instilling. As long a we're close, I can find her."

Cullen nodded encouragingly, "That's better than nothing."

"So I can assume this means we're off to rescue her?" Varric prompted.

The commander winced with guilt. "I wish I could join you, I really do. But I must stay and monitor the troops. Tensions are high between the templars and the mages in our ranks."

"We can't risk staying too long. We do not have the adequate supplies," Josephine replied regretfully. "We can wait a couple days to see if either one of them returns to us but..."

Leliana pursed her lips, "While we all would want nothing more than to stay and find her, we cannot linger in this place for long. Corypheus could have spies out searching for us as we speak. We need to find somewhere the Inquisition might safely regroup and recover our losses. I can at least send a few scouts to sweep the area." She added after a pause, "Amilee left because we were in danger, she wouldn't want us to stay in danger for her sake."

"She is our friend!" Cole cried adamantly, his hands becoming fists. "Battered and bent until she breaks, bowing and bound. The song will sunder her mind and she'll die!"

Varric brought a hand to his forehead and sighed, "The Kid is likely to go whether he has company or not. And she's Hawke's little sister, for Maker's sake. I may as well be her crazy cousin, so I have to go too."

Cassandra crossed her arms and looked to Leliana. "We may not be able to stay long but that doesn't mean we need to stay together. As the advisers, we must remain with the Inquisition and lead it somewhere safe. Varric, you take Cole and go to the others. See who is willing to help you find Amilee. In the meantime we'll make ready to move on if Herah shows."

Cullen nodded firmly, as did the others. "Then we are agreed. Get to it."

* * *

**Realistically, it would take a while for the Herald to find them and to recover. I made the Inquisitor a Qunari because it seemed the best choice for a hardy resistance to physical trauma and a speedy recovery for this amount of time.**

**Up next is a fun chapter. Pretty sure the idea hasn't been used yet. :)**

**Favorites and reviews welcome!**


	5. Otherwordly Woes

**Don't own nothin but Amilee, blah, blah, blah.**

** This chapter was so much fun to make, you have no idea! Read and review.**

*****Revised 4/12/17*****

* * *

"_Restless, I've been losing sleep, but I don't feel awake, I've been living in a dream, you woke my demons, now there's poison rain running through my veins, I still see your face as I'm dragged away..."_ -Demons by Paris Blohm

* * *

In the end, Varric, Cole, The Iron Bull, and the new mage Dorian agreed to track down Amilee.

Solas had mentioned something about needing to stay, waiting to see if the Herald showed up. Sera didn't want to get involved with more 'magic shite' and Vivienne and Blackwall couldn't be bothered, neither willing to trust any of the lot.

Their Tevinter companion though, was more than happy to help, having already met the 'charming young lady' in passing. He was very... talkative. And while the others weren't quite ready to trust him, they knew they would need a mage to help in case of said 'magic shite.'

It was late into the next morning when they finally reached the outskirts of a destroyed Haven.

"You're... not possessing a human body, Cole. You actually look like that?" Dorian asked as they backtracked along the snowed over mountain range.

"Yes"

"But a spirit's true form is always monstrous, or at least unnatural."

"The world doesn't make sense to them. It's too real. That's why they look wrong."

"And... this is how you want to look?"

"I want to help. Looking doesn't matter." The young man stopped and looked beyond the trees where the valley opened to the edge of a lake. "She's there, I think." He pointed across to the other side as though the others could tell where exactly he was directing them.

"Can you change you're form? If you wanted to look like something else."

Sighing in almost exasperation, the young man raised an incredulous eyebrow at the mage. "I don't want to look like something else."

"Hmm. There are magisters that would be ecstatic if they could summon a demon that could pass for human."

"They would use it to hurt people," Cole groused back.

"You're right about that. They would." Dorian conceded.

The boy slowed, his face pinched with concern. "It's... it's wrong."

"I know it is."

"Not that," Cole shot back, shaking his head.

"What's wrong, kid." Varric asked.

Tilting his head to the side, as if listening for something, a sudden look of horror came to Cole's face. "No, no, no, no," he murmured in fear, as he dashed ahead of the group and with a puff of smoke, disappearing.

"Kid, wait!" Varric yelled, as he and the others ran in the direction he had gone.

Minutes later, as they reached the other side of the lake, there was a sudden shift and pull in the air. Overwhelmed by vertigo, Varric stumbled and caught himself before he hit the ground. When he looked back up, as did the others, there was a collective cry of shock and cursing.

The scene that lay before them was so foreign and so terrifying, it took Cole appearing to speak for them to snap out of their stupor. "Fear and Despair fight for dominance. Weakened, a butterfly caught in the spider's web, but she hides. They want to find her. Prowling, preying to pervert and possess." He look down at the dwarf with determination. "We have to get to her first."

Varric swallowed down his consternation and stood back up. "Andraste's tits, how am I supposed to write about this... This must be what her world looks like."

All around them, there were giant gleaming towers, dozens buildings of all sizes and shapes with hundreds of windows, thousands of lights in those windows, flickering eerily in the unnatural darkness. The building in the center was the only structure that was a single story. The sky above was swirling, blue and black, casting shadows that warped and writhed around them.

"What do you mean, what her world looks like?" The Iron Bull asked, disturbed. "And nobody mentioned anything about demons beyond this one!" He pointed to Cole for emphasis.

Sighing, the dwarf walked up next to the spirit, looking up to see his friend lost in concentration. "Where's Amilee, Kid?"

"The warmth is muted by their magic. But I am certain she is in there."

He pointed to the central building, at what they could only guess was an institution for children. A strange stone plaque sat to the side of the walkway, some kind of writing on it's surface, the foreign letters engraved with unnatural precision. There were smaller structures that looked designed to be played upon, as well as swings that moved slowly back and forth, on their own. Fake, oddly colored horses that sat upon thick winding metal springs, rocking to and fro, all bunched together inside a metal fenced in area. The building itself was a brown stone with a flat roof, it's many large windows plastered with crude flowers and animal shapes.

The Iron Bull shrugged his shoulders, obviously uncomfortable with the idea of entering such an unfamiliar place. "Alright. Let's get this shit over with."

The four men drew out their weapons in anticipation of an assault as they stepped carefully up to the blue metal doors. It took a moment to figure out how to open them.

"Ah. You just squeeze the latch down," Varric noted, as he did so and swung the door out wide.

The Qunari entered first, having to duck and angle his horns to get inside, followed by Cole who did not seem as overly distracted by the new environment they'd entered. Dorian and Varric looked at each other with trepidation as they wandered down a large corridor, the air thick and stagnating.

The hall was dark and quiet, strange metal casings lining the walls, painted blue with oddly marked knobs on each panel above their latch. The walls were painted every few feet with creepy depictions of children chasing each other with knives, dead animals and dead people, each scene more frightful than the last. The lights set in the ceiling were rectangular, their glow subdued, some flickering, some broken.

When they passed the first door, a child's voice sing-songed in a strange language from within, _"Little bunny foo foo, walking through the forest, scooping up the field mice, and bopping them on the head."_

"_Vashedan!_" The Iron Bull cursed as he shied away from the door.

Cole had no such inclination. He gently pulled the door open and stuck his head inside. "I don't think we want to go in there," he said as he closed the door once more, frowning and wide eyed with fear.

Varric scowled, using one of Amilee's curses, "So where the _hell_ is she?"

"A child, but a rabbit too, hacking with an axe at other children dressed as mice. Rabbits shouldn't be that," Cole whispered to himself, as if speaking aloud what he witnessed would free his mind of it. "The rooms are her memories, but some are not of her life."

The Iron Bull scowled, "The fuck does that mean?"

Dorian threw up his arms and exclaimed, "What in Andraste's name are we supposed to do? Search every sodding room?"

"Yes? Maybe."

"Can't we just find the demons doing this and send them packing?" Varric reasoned.

"Fear maybe, but Despair hides."

"_Fucking fuck_."

"Well, I'm not going to just stand around waiting to have some creepy little girl chopping at my knees." The Iron Bull turned about face, took three steps, and opened the next door, charging through.

The other three, a bit shocked by their companion's initiative, didn't even make it to the door before they heard an eerie howl, followed by The Iron Bull hollering at the top of his lungs accompanied with the sound of something being smashed again and again. He came back out quickly, sweaty and pale. "Alright," he started, trying to catch his breath. "I hate dogs now. Sodding yappers can all die!"

"Seriously? Dogs?" the Tevinter mage smirked.

"The face was there, then just teeth, a gaping maw, oozing with blood and black. It's alright, it wasn't real."

Shuddering and shaking the sweat from himself, The Iron Bull growled, "Seemed pretty real when I smashed it, Kid."

"How are these her memories?" Dorian asked as they walked on, the question directed at Cole.

"Memories recorded for watching, to play over and over. A story, a tale, only not from a book. They were made to look real, too real. Fear and Despair can't tell the difference."

"How would you know that?" Dorian griped.

Cole cocked an eyebrow, not understanding why the mage was perturbed. "Because she told me. We were talking about her stories and she described what she called 'movies'. She didn't like these ones, but her sister made her watch them."

A guttural, clicking sound came from behind them, and they turned to see a bloodless face with black eyes half covered by long, black hair staring our at them from a mass of darkness on the ceiling. As it crawled toward them, it opened its mouth impossibly wide and screamed like a woman in great pain.

"Maferath's ball's!" Varric shouted as he pulled Bianca up and shot the thing in it's face. "Well so far all I'm seein' is fear, fear, and more fear! Let's find the sonofabitch and kill it."

"Despair is closer to her. He is winning with words that wind, wound, wither her spirit. She's still hidden, I think, but she's on his side."

"Well, misery loves company," Dorian quipped nervously.

"Why would she be rooting for either demon?" The Iron Bull questioned impatiently.

Varric took a moment to decipher Cole's words. "Wait... As in his side of the building?"

As if it should have been obvious, the young man replied, "Yes."

"Then get us there, please?" Dorian urged condescendingly.

Every few feet they went further in, the more horrors from Amilee's mind took shape, attacking. A person in a strange mask with a tube protruding out, making gurgling noises as if choking on blood. An eyeless, bloodied torso that crawled on the ground almost too fast to hit. A lanky black creature that seemed to bleed acid, it's tongue a separate mouth that screeched at them, skeletal tail whipping about.

Finally, they reached a set of black iron doors.

Each heard a different voice emit from beyond and each paled, knowing full well the greatest fear lay beyond.

"Such is their fate to die in darkness, the lights going out as you free them. A glimmer of life behind the eyes as they see you, but you take it and you're real again. It made you happy."

"Take me in. Take me in and be free, most powerful in all of Tevinter, you will rise to glory. He will smile at you once more."

"Varric, you heard the song too. It took me back to them. Why don't you join us? You're meant to be with us."

"Make them stop screaming," The Iron Bull yelled as he covered his ears, bent over before he rushed the door with a great battle cry.

The fight against Fear itself paled in comparison to the others, most likley because of the amount of energy it had expended making so many monsters. It fell within moments of the four men descending upon it, it's pathetic screams echoing throughout the halls.

Still shaken by their encounters, they grimly pressed forward to continue their search for the Guardian. By the time they reached the halls of Despair, Dorian, The Iron Bull and Varric were exhausted, while Cole was simply quiet in contemplation.

Varric shivered, the temperature around them steadily dropping. "Aren't you able to hear her thoughts, Cole?"

"No. The demons got in when her guard was down. They heard enough to shape the cage, trap her inside. I've... I've never been able to hear her, just feel when she's close."

This gained Dorian's interest once more, "So, you can hear everyone except her?"

The boy slowed and his face fell, "Yes. I reach for her but there's a wall, too dark to see through," This gave Cole reason to pause. "Varric, you knew her before. Doted and dancing, darling and daring, doing what dolls do best. So much energy, such wonder for life, but Blondie broke her, the porcelain shattered and scattered, too scared to be put back together. You could show me how to help her."

"I don't know if I can. That girl has a lot of baggage even I can't sift through and I've known her longer than most," the dwarf admitted. "For her though, I'm willing to try. Let's just get her back first."

Cole moved quickly and as they traveled on, the vast hallways seemed to crumble away, little by little, until the rooms were exposed. Dark foliage grew along the walls remaining, emitting a fog that became thicker the farther in they went. Graves littered the floor, with names in both her language and theirs. After fighting off a horde of very fast, very intelligent undead, Varric stopped when he found his name.

"Maker... So this is why she holds herself back."

"What are you on about?" Dorian asked.

As he pointed, the dwarf explained quietly, "Because of her power, Amilee is... immortal. How would you feel if you knew you had to watch everyone you ever cared for die, while you live on? She's been distant ever since we met up at Haven and I'm pretty sure this is a big reason why. Gonna have to talk to her when this is over."

They huddled close together as they weaved through the tombstones, until suddenly, the pale blonde halted to kneel near a large grate at the end of a long metallic aqueduct, exposed from a thick gap between two decrepit rooms. After peering in carefully, Cole dug his fingers under the lip of the cover and pulled until it released. He threw the metal piece up on it's hinges, uncaring of the shrill sound it made.

"It's alright, Amilee," he said softly, reaching his arms inside. "We're here now."

A soft whimper echoed from within as a small child slowly crawled out and into the spirit's arms. "Cole," she cried tearfully, as she clutched to him, burying her face in his neck with muted sobs. He wrapped his arms around her, cradling her tiny body, and stood to face the others.

The little girl looked around at them timidly, her large reddened eyes brimmed with tears. She wore a dress colored lilac with little flowers bordering the hem, and her tawny hair was short, the length barely touching her shoulders. She was barely six at most.

"And I thought you couldn't get any cuter, Doll," Varric joked affectionately.

Her bottom lip stuck out as she sniffed and looked up at Cole. "I can't get out," she whined, as she pulled at his shirt. "The screams hurts my ears and I can't make the bad guys disappear."

"Hey," The Iron Bull rumbled soothingly behind Varric. "Don't worry. We'll kill him and then we'll get you better."

"They will not possess you as long as we have you," Cole promised, brushing her hair back tenderly like the real Cole's mother did when he was small. Abruptly, he stiffened and tucked her in closer to his chest, glaring off into the distance.

"There you are," a deep voice purred. A large clouded mass appeared beyond them, at the far end of the hall. A tall man with blond hair pulled back, glowing red eyes, and wearing Tevinter robes with feathered pauldrons walked into view.

Varric cursed profusely. "Anders."

"What? Who is that?" asked The Iron Bull.

The man in question chuckled and monologued, "Always needing a name for the darkness inside you. But I do not care to answer to your ignorance. I am here to take what has been promised to me. Why do you fight it, Amilee? You will always lose them in the end. Your family, your friends, even the ones you care for most. You'll never get what you want, never find your happy ending. I can help make it all go away. Just let me in."

"You mean make _them_ go away," she corrected, her childish features scrunched in defiance.

"Creating sorrow from guilt, you are Regret," Cole choked out, attempting to convey confidence. "You think to turn her from us, but she is ours and you will fall as Fear had..."

Wraiths began to form around the false Anders, too numerous to count, and the group stepped back quickly in response.

"Why don't we run this time?" Dorian called as he led them away from the red eyed man.

A disembodied laughter filled the hall as they came to the end and turned right, then left, assuming they were going back the way they came. Which was apparently not the case when they veered right again, they found themselves back where they'd started, coming to a screeching halt. Despair had come closer now, the man he embodied more detailed and focused. He brought forth a hand to gesture and Varric, Dorian, and The Iron Bull froze in place.

"It is useless to run. Give me the girl and I'll let you go."

"You won't touch her," Cole growled, eyes glinted in warning and arms shielding his charge. "She doesn't belong to you."

"So then you wish to possess her?" It laughed as if what it'd said was a joke.

"I have no need. This body is my own."

"Hmm... You could have possessed Rhys. He would never have left you, seen you as the monster you really are. Poor, strange creature, trying so hard to be helpful, to be human." Whispers from people who'd said as much to Cole bounced around the halls, further reinforcing Despair's words.

"No."

"Body or no, you aren't human. And certainly not Compassion, not anymore. Compassion doesn't kill."

"Stop!"

"Killed so many at the Spire and more died because of it. A rock drops in the water and the ripples extend, ever outward, touching everything and everyone. A river of red flowing by the sweep of your hand. You continue to do so, even now. Shall I take it?"

The red in Amilee's eyes began to fade away as she reached for the lyrium stone in Cole's jacket.

"No, I'm-I'm helping," Cole whispered, trying to deny it. Trembling, his head lowered until his face was hidden from all but the girl he carried.

A rejuvenating magic emitted from her body as Amilee reached up and cupped Cole's face with a small hand, gaining his attention, her eyes shining bright with determination. "Don't listen, Cole. They're just words. Only you give them power."

"But he's not wrong," Cole lamented, eyes glazed over. "I'm a monster."

She shook her head as she went on, "No, you're not. The mistakes you made in your past may drive the decisions you make now, but they do not define you. You learned from them and took steps to change, to be better. You **are** helping now, protecting people who can't fight and easing their pain when you can. Human or not, you are **good**, Cole. Not a monster, never a monster. You just have to believe in yourself. I believe in you."

She hugged him fiercely and the gesture brought tears to his eyes. "You're warm again," he whispered softly in awe.

Hissing in anger, the demon growled, "No! The Elder One said you were mine! I will have you or you will die!"

"Shut. Up!" Amilee bellowed, her voice back to the one they all recognized. She grew in Cole's arms, her legs stretching down till they reached the floor, her hands sliding to rest against his chest. Her eyes darkened, deepened, as they remained fixed to Cole's. "Thank you for coming for me, hun," she said, smiling sweetly as she touched his cheek affectionately.

Despair screeched as it teleported, attempting to catch them by surprise, but she was prepared. Cole stepped back in anticipation as it appeared behind Amilee, but it's cry of outrage became a scream of agony as she whipped around and grasped it by the neck, absorbing it. The lilac dress exploded into dust, her battle wear appearing in its place as the other three companions unfroze.

"Damn demons," she muttered, swinging back around to face her friends.

"I don't believe I ordered a flash freeze," Dorian quipped with annoyance, brushing off the ice from his otherwise pristine outfit as he shivered uncontrolably.

Grinning madly, Amilee cast a wind spell, clearing the area of the fog, revealing they were back in the real world. "Sorry about this guys. Can't say I'm not happy you came though. Now... let's get the _hell_ out of here, shall we?"

* * *

**Reviews and favorites welcome!**


	6. Truth Shall Set You Free

**I own nothing of Dragon Age. Just Amilee.**

**Lots of conversation in this chapter, so hope it isn't too boring for you.**

* * *

_"So I got edges that scratch, and sometimes I don't got a filter, but I'm so tired of eating all of my misspoken words, I know my disposition gets confusing, my disproportionate reactions fuse with my eager state, that's why you wanna come out and play with me..."_ -Beggin for Thread by Banks

* * *

_-One week later, Skyhold War Room-_

After a tentative overview of what happened in the Fade, the others demanded she explain herself and Amilee finally caved.

It is very hard to describe to people how you're from another world. It opens one to criticism, fear, and mistrust, much like what she experienced when she stood before the whole of the Inner Circle and explained how she had come to be in Thedas.

Reactions, of course, were varied.

Varric already knew and, having witnessed a glimpse of the world from her Faded nightmare, further reinforced the truth of her words. It made him uncomfortable, but he certainly benefited from the tales the girl had written with him, nevermind their familial history, so he didn't care very much.

Herah and Josephine acknowledged Amilee's story as truth, but were quite distraught she hadn't confided in them sooner.

Cass and Leliana were both reserved and appalled by the notion that she came from a world with no Maker. Amilee didn't feel the desire to discuss Christianity with them, as she herself didn't retain any beliefs, so she let it remain thus.

Vivienne was disbelieving that a world without magic could be possible, but curious of its economical and political aspects.

Sera was plain dumbfounded, shaking her head in denial in the beginning, but stood firmly at the end that Amilee was just another person and shouldn't be treated any different.

Dorian's only concern was that they keep her gift hidden, knowing if word got out about its origin, Tevinter and other countries would vie for her capture to either destroy or use her to their advantage.

The Iron Bull was strangely silent, unable to deny what he himself had witnessed in the Fade. Herah specifically requested he not tell the Ben-Hassrath about this, lest it incited a panic among the Qunari. He agreed with that notion wholeheartedly.

Solas wanted to ask many questions, none more curious of the scientific and philosophical differences her world had in comparison to theirs. It took a collective exasperated sigh from the others for him to cease going off on any more tangents.

True to a Warden's mindset, Blackwall believed that her origin was of no consequence, only that she was there and helping them to restore order. Cullen had a somewhat similar perspective, trusting that Amilee's character was sound and that Thedas was all the better for her presence.

Not surprisingly, Cole was the most accepting, only estranged by the fact the Fade and spirits didn't exist there, which she had already mentioned to him a few days ago when he'd asked.

All in all, Amilee felt more than a bit like a circus freak, everyone poking and prodding with questions and concerns that made her very uncomfortable. Thankfully, Herah closed the conversation with a promise that nothing would change between them, and that everyone was to continue treating her as an equal. Amilee was still the Guardian and, as far as she and the advisers were concerned, she was the rightful second in command of the Inquisition.

Once the Inner Circle dispersed, Herah pulled Amilee to the side.

"I know you've been asked this before but are you really alright? You're sure you're not still under the effects of the red lyrium?"

Shrugging, the small mages response was quiet, "I know you're all worried, Herah, but I'm fine. I don't hear the whispers anymore. But I'll need a new runestone if I am to venture out with you anywhere."

"We have an Arcanist on their way to the keep," Saytie nodded with reassurance. "From what I heard, they can forge almost anything. They should be here by the end of the week, but in the meantime, keep that lyrium chunk with you."

"I know," Amilee mused, patting the pocket that protruded from it's contents on her cloak.

"I'm sorry, I know you're quite ready to retire for the evening but I do have one more question. It's important."

"What is it?"

"I've already spoken to the others about this, so it's been left up to you. Now that we have so many allies to accompany us, do you think it appropriate that we split the circle? I know you are unable to close any rifts, that is my burden alone unfortunately. But I would be remiss in assuming I can handle every little side mission and minor request from the local populace once the rifts have been cleared. For example, a lot of the refugees at the Crossroads still need help, and I am unable to make the time to assist..."

"Yeah, I can see what you're getting at. With the Inquisition forces trying to recover from Haven, it would be difficult to send them all out to fulfill such a scattered amount of requisitions. Better that it be a leader of the Inquisition displaying sympathy for their concerns anyhow, we'd obtain more agents that way. I would not object to this."

"Good. That's settle then. I'll see you on the morrow, Guardian?"

"Sure thing, Inquisitor."

* * *

Amilee glanced around her sparse, but roomy quarters with barely veiled disgust. Once their forces had settle into the holding, Amilee had been graced with her very own watch tower, located next to Cullen's office that overlooked the entrance to Skyhold and the vast mountain range beyond.

It was not the generosity of her peers that had brought forth her annoyance, but the sheer amount of space she had to fill. Scraps of metal and cloth were dispersed about, rotting floorboards, dilapidated and dusty shelving, and a crumbling ceiling, all without a speck of furniture save for her cot on the upper floor. It was going to take time for her to clean it up, never mind commissioning the repairs necessary and ordering the furniture she desired. Vivienne had insisted on her motivation, otherwise she would have the First Enchanter butting in and doing it herself. With all the posh fashion and luxury that woman was accustomed to, Amilee was certain she would definitely not find comfort in her own room if she let the woman have her way with it.

She could already picture the way she would prefer. As she had at the Hawke mansion, she would make these rooms reminiscent of her old life, before she'd come to this world.

The first floor would have a plush sofa and chair in the far corner with dark wooden coffee table, tucked behind a modern style bookcase that separated the living space from the rest of the room without completely blocking her view of the door. Under the stairway to the second floor, which you could reach just by walking in, would be her white oak writing desk. Varric had salvaged and stored it in case she would ever ask for it, knowing the intricate carvings of flowers and vines she had taken the time to apply to the edging and legs made it sentimental to her. The only commission she was hesitant in asking for was opening up the wall to the left for a full size balcony, like Herah had in her room.

The second floor would also be opened up, but rather than a balcony, she wanted a small cathedral style window that faced away from the sunrise, which would cast light over the headboard of a platformed bed, Orlesian in coloring, but nothing more. The platform would contain hidden compartments, an add on she devised to hide things she didn't want anyone to find. Well, anyone but Cole.

While she knew he couldn't hear her, she was very aware he could pick up thoughts and feelings from certain objects he touched. She couldn't hide anything materialistic from him unless she burned it. For instance, her journal, which had accounted the past few years of her travels, her thoughts and feelings about those she had killed, met, or otherwise missed. It had been written in the alphabet of this world, a practice Leliana had insisted upon so she could write legible reports and missives.

As soon as they had returned to Haven after Therinfall, she had sought the book out and immediately destroyed it, sure that the young man would manage to find it and bombard her with questions she wasn't ready to answer.

Speak of the devil, as she turned away from her cot to commence with her undressing, Cole gaze at her from the landing, frozen as if unsure it was right for him to be there. "I wanted to ask you more about what happened. When you came to be here," he started quickly.

"There really isn't anymore, Cole," Amilee sighed, taking a seat at her cot. "Quite frankly, I'm burnt out from talking about it.

He hung his head, taking a few steps forward. "It's just... You're like me. We came from a different place, lost in a world that wasn't very kind to our presence. I... know how that feels, I think. Does it hurt?"

"For a while, it did. My family will never know what happened to me." She let out a humorless laugh. "At first, I would feel terrible, every time I felt happy when they were probably miserable, thinking I was dead. But life goes on... They probably did too, eventually."

"Wouldn't they want you to be happy?"

She smiled wistfully. "Yeah, hun. They would. And I'd want the same for them... It had to have been harder on you, I'd imagine. You didn't have anyone to miss."

He took a few more steps and crouched down before her, tracing the groves of the wooden floor. His voice was quiet when he spoke a moment later, "I had a friend for a while. Rhys could see me, remember when no one else could." His expression became pained. "But he got upset when he found out I had killed people. And when he found out what I was, he couldn't look at me. I lost him."

"I'm so sorry, hun," she murmured, bringing her hand to her heart as it constricted painfully. Her own memories came forth and she redirected her pain to those memories. "I lost a friend too. An elf named V'lartha. She taught me to speak Tevene for the magister we... belonged to. When I killed the magister, we escaped his mansion and she smuggled me to Kirkwall. We had originally planned to stick together but... we didn't have enough to pay for both of us. She had a blood mage put me to sleep before I could argue and they shipped me off, alone. I never even got to say goodbye. My brother tried to find her for me, but the trail was cold by the time he paid the investigator to do so. I wish I knew what happened to her." She sat back, giving him a calculating stare. "We could track down Rhys for you, if you like."

"No," was the young man's low reply. "He has Evangeline to protect him now. Better that they stay away and forget about me."

"Alright, hun," she lied slowly. He hadn't see Rhys' words in the letter two years before. If he knew Rhys wondered about him... But that would reveal her history with all of them and that was the last thing she wanted him to find out now.

But that didn't mean she couldn't seek their whereabouts. At least to make sure they were okay.

After wishing Cole a goodnight, he left her there, lying awake and praying that the nightmares didn't come when she finally passed out.

* * *

_Bill, Merchants Guild, bill, bill._..

Grumbling to himself, Varric tossed the stack of missives on the table. When did life get so serious that he couldn't have a moment peace from business. Even Josephine was hounding him about helping her write to Orzammar, first on the list of things he really had no desire to deal with. He'd have to start a regular night of Wicked Grace soon or he was going to stoop to pranks like Sera just to find amusement.

Suddenly, there was a cloud of smoke and Cole stood before him, twisting his fingers together nervously.

While he wasn't quite used to the young man's disappearing reappearing act, it didn't alarm the dwarf so much anymore. "Hey, Kid. What's on your mind?"

"You said you would show me how to help Amilee," Cole prompted, not really sure how to continue the conversation from there.

"I did indeed. Did you find out something that's bothering her?"

Nodding eagerly, Cole continued, "She misses a friend called V'lartha. They met when she first came here, but they were separated." The boy sat abruptly in the chair across from him, or rather perched on the edge as his knee bounced, as if agitated.

"Pretty sure I remember Hawke inquiring about someone for her, but nothing came of it."

Cole paused for a moment. "Anders grating on her nerves, discontent, despondent, despairing. Hurt hidden but not. Need to distract her, give her a reason to be happy again. Like Varric when he praises her stories, but it has to mean more so she remembers I'm here for her too. A brother she deserves... With anyone else, I would be able to touch the thread that tied two people together, find them, let them know, but with her I can't see... Can you help?"

Rubbing his chin in thought, Varric sat back and pondered for a minute. "The elf was related to a smuggler named Athenril, she might have a better idea where she might have gone. I can also collaborate with my contacts in the Free Marches, have them ask around. You could ask Dorian too. He might have someone in Tevinter who would be willing to look into it as well."

"What devious machinations are you volunteering me for now, Varric?" the well dressed mage jeered as he approached the table.

"How do you always just happen to be passing by every time I talk about you, Sparkler?"

"The premonition makes my feet itch, apparently. So what is it I'm supposed to be finding out?"

Cole brought his head down shyly. "Finding someone Amilee misses so she won't be sad anymore."

"Ah, I see. And I assume since we are looking in Tevinter, this person must have been under the 'employ' of the magister that kept her captive?"

"An elven slave that tutored her to speak Tevene," Varric elaborated.

"Ooo, that means we can gossip without anyone knowing what we say! The scandal. You must realize that a slave escaping soon after the death of their magister would be hard pressed to escape slave hunters. We might very well find the poor woman had been executed and this would be all for naught."

This made Cole still his ticks, sinking back and down in his chair, defeated, until Varric replied, "Now, now, Sparkler. Don't go raining on the poor kid's parade before it even starts. We can at least try instead of assuming the worst."

"I suppose. Give me some time. I'll have to be delicate in my query when drugging up old news like this. Otherwise it might raise suspicions."

"Thank you, Dorian!" the young man voiced merrily as he stood abruptly. "She should be happy." With that being said, he poofed out of sight.

Dorian's mustache curled in a wry smile. "He's rather like a runt puppy you save from starving, isn't he?"

"More or less," Varric chuckled. "But then it grows on you and before you know it, it has everyone wrapped around it's stumpy little paw."

"Not with that hat. Where the devil did he find that thing anyway?"

"Who knows?" the dwarf shrugged, smirking.

* * *

**Cole's learning ahead of time how to help others the conventional way. :)**

**I figured out I've been inaccurate in the title for the language of Tevinter. It's Tevene, rather that Imperium. I'm too lazy to go back and sift through my fanfics to change it sooooo yeah. -_-**


	7. The First Spat

**I own nothing of Dragon Age. Just my BAMF Amilee. :)**

**So many points I wanna touch on, but I have neither the time nor the patience. I hope it is enough for you. Read and review!**

* * *

"_Just an outline made of skin, yet my walls are paper thin, I wanna let you color me in, feel like I'm drowning from the sound, of all the silence all around, my thoughts are bound, I'm going down, I'm turning inside out..." -_Hourglass by Zed, Liz

* * *

It was a jovial and embarrassingly spastic reunion for Amilee and Dagna, the dwarf she had urged Aedan Cousland to advocate to the Circle of Ferelden eleven years prior. The short mage and the even shorter arcanist spent at least two hours in the Undercroft planning out where she'd put all her smiting tables and enchantment apatratus, catching up on general gossip, and drawing out a rough blueprint for her new runestone. Once they figured out how long it would take, Amilee sought to locate the companions assigned to her to inform them of their departure to the Hinterlands three days hence.

Earlier that week, Herah and her had sat down and mapped out when and where they would scout and investigate as well as who they would take with them for the majority of their missions.

Since the Inquisitor was the only one of the two able to close the rifts, it was decided that she would benefit most having Solas with her, his knowledge of the Rifts and Fade invaluable. Since Amilee and Vivienne's spat in Haven, the two had avoided each other out of mutual understanding that neither of them would see eye to eye, although apologies were made out of respect. She would remain with the Inquisitor as her second mage on hand.

In retrospect, Dorian would accompany Amilee since she only needed one other mage, besides herself.

Varric was practically family for Amilee and would obviously prefer to look out for her, as well as Cole, whom Amilee would be able to keep an eye on at all times. Out of necessity and consideration for the blonde elf's sheer dislike for Cole, Herah would keep Sera on hand for lockpicking and other rogue abilities.

Cassandra was asked herself which of the two she preferred. After a obscene amount of disgusted noises and reasonable argument, she opted to stick with Amilee to make sure "the dwarf" and "the demon" kept in line. Blackwall, having the same weapon skills, would go with Herah in turn.

The only companion left then was The Iron Bull and since Saytie was already skilled in two handed combat, as well as the fact he wasn't fond of demons, they opted for him to remain with Amilee's team, away from the majority of demonic encounters. It also meant the Chargers would be retained under Amilee's command, for the most part, although for this first particular venture, a small group was required.

It was easy enough to track down and debrief the rest of her company, but once she began looking for Cole, the small mage began to worry. She followed the hum of course, but it seemed every time she got close enough to spot the young man, he would teleport and pop up on the other side of the hold. As if he were avoiding her.

She grew worried and quite frankly, annoyed until finally she gave up, after three hours of chasing him. She settled for just leaving a note on the nightstand in his assigned quarters, summarizing when they would leave and that she was none too happy with his behavior.

* * *

Two days passed by in a mediocre blur of twiddling her thumbs during two meetings with a few nobles from Orlais, receiving a few of the commissions for her room, reading in her room by herself, unless Dorian dropped in to join her, and trying to ferret out answers from the others as to why Cole felt the need to evade her. She at least maintained her composure well enough when she received no answers that the others didn't catch on she was fuming over it.

She knew it was ridiculous to let one person's evasion effect her mood so drastically, but as the hours of the third day wore on, Amilee became increasingly pissed off, barring herself in her quarters. Out of desperation and a good deal of frustrated pacing in her living room, she stooped to sending her newly assigned elven messenger with her very first, very angry missive for him. Apparently, that's all it took for him to show up at her doorstep.

He had knocked on the door instead of just entering and she had thrown it open, expecting a recounting of his refusal, which had thrown her off momentarily.

The recovery was quick though and she growled at him, "It's about damn time!"

"Frail and fretting, just want to do the job right, serve well, like my mother for the Arl, but the Guardian is so sullen, severe, shaken. You scared Naran because your mad at me. That wasn't right," he chastised solemnly, as he held her crumpled letter in his hand. His expression was dark, but his frown was more pensive than angry.

With a great huff, she snapped back, "You wanna talk about what's not right? How about avoiding a friend without any explanation as to why."

"I didn't know what say to you," he murmured, bowing his head. "You shouldn't have scared her. She's thinking about leaving now."

She crossed her arms defensibly, a odd feeling that she was missing something important setting her on edge. "I will apologize to her when I see her again. Do you know what you want to say to me now?"

His back was stiff and his answer was short. "Yes. I am... upset with you."

Her brow furrowed with confusion and her ire deflated. "What? Why?"

Bringing his hand up briskly, he held out what she had assumed was her letter. Upon further inspection, she realized it was a report for Leliana from a scout named Walker, detailing his search for Rhys and Evangeline. She paled when she realized this and tried to backpedal. "Cole, I-"

He spoke over her, his voice low and accusing, "You ignored me. I asked you not to do it and you still did. Why didn't you listen to me?"

"I just... I wanted to at least make sure they were okay for you. It's not like I advertised your presence or anything-"

"That's not why I'm mad," he countered, gesturing with a wave. "It is good they are getting the help they need, but that doesn't make it good that you did the opposite of what I asked."

Amilee sighed then and walked over to her new set of furniture in the corner, taking a seat on the plush red davenport.

He followed and stood before her, waiting expectantly.

She took a moment to collect her thoughts before she explained. "Look. It... it wasn't just for you, it was for me too." She tugged her cloak off and leaned her elbows on her knees, offering him a pointed gaze. "Maybe right now you didn't care to know, but someday, maybe years from now, you might wish you had. Take it from someone with experience, not knowing what happened to someone you care about feels just as bad as finding out they're dead. Because then it's not just sadness you feel. It's guilt from not having looked for them sooner, wondering that if you had tried just a little bit harder, you could have-" She cut of her train of thought before she revealed too much, cradling her forehead in her hands. "I just... I didn't want that for you," she whispered. "I'm sorry I betrayed your trust."

After a few minutes of silence, Cole began to wring his fingers together. "I accept your apology. Thank you for.. saving them. And I'm sorry I avoided you."

She looked back up at him, her expression imploring. "You don't have to hide your negative feelings from me, hun. It's not wrong to express them as long as you communicate appropriately."

"Betrayal is... I know of it, but never felt it before. It felt like it does when I want to hit someone, but more ache, less burning. I didn't want to want to hit you, but I didn't know what I would do if you got to me," he muttered lowly.

She chuckled at that. "Probably hit something else, I'm sure. Although I would prefer you didn't break your hand on the wall to prove a point."

He nodded once. "Yes, that would hurt."

At that she laughed, making him smile and the tension between the two dissipated. "It's just another way to get to know each other, when people argue. For instance, now I know you're mad at me when you play keep away."

Another single nod from him let her know he understood. "And you get angry if I don't tell you what's wrong. I will try not to hide it again."

"It's okay to take some time to collect your thoughts before arguing. Just don't do it for two whole days. Cause honestly? After running around like I did, I wanted to hit you too." With another sigh, she sat back and smirked up at him. "Did you get my note about our mission at least?"

"Yes," he replied back mildly. "We leave tomorrow. I feel... excited but also scared."

She acknowledged this. "It'll be the first time you go out and explore the world. Along with people you aren't used to being around." She patted the seat next to her, knowing since things were back to normal between them, they could discuss further as to what would be expected. "As long as you keep an eye out and learn to work with the team, you'll do just fine."

* * *

_-Two weeks later-_

Nothing was fine. In fact everything had gone to hell as soon as Amilee's team set foot in the Hinterlands.

First, while they were finishing the establishment of camps in every feasible corner of the region, they strayed deep into a dragon's nest.

The Iron Bull was unbearably ecstatic, pointing and waving at a great Ferelden Frostback as it flew high overhead. "Hey look boss, a dragon!"

In hindsight, a dragonling had ambushed them, firing it's hot breath upon him. At this, Varric had retorted loudly, "Hey look Bull, I'm on fire!"

Then, much to Amilee's embarrassment, she had to track down a ram named Lord Woolsley for some idiot who thought the creature was not only good luck for the family, but could... give advice. Wonders of Thedas never ceased. Never mind the druffalo they had to track down and lead home, although Amilee thought it was adorable when Cole would speak it's thoughts.

Then there was the freaky grandpa demon, frigging bear hunting, a multitude of bandits and hidden treasure they had to locate. The cherry on top of the Hinterland's sundae? Having to report to a man in the Winterwatch Tower that his lover was dead and convincing him that instead of wallowing in despair, he should join the Inquisition as an agent. Thankfully, Cassandra had taken over for that last one. Amilee hated giving bad news like that.

The only consolation in all of this was that the team seemed to work very well together, despite having completely different backgrounds. When it was time for them make their way back to Skyhold, everyone was far more easygoing and comfortable with each other. While good company was hard to find in this world, those few who managed to adapt to each other made travel much more rewarding. And when you camped with said people for long periods of time, you got to learn about their true character fairly quickly.

Varric and Amilee would take turns reading to Cole every night before everyone, except the spirit, turned in to their tents. Dorian and The Iron Bull would keep up friendly arguments and play cards. Cassandra would try to keep to herself or discuss the next move with Amilee, although The Iron Bull had a way of getting under her skin to goad her into light sparring sessions. Amilee and Dorian would talk about magic practices and her adaptation of science mixed with magical theory, all in Tevene of course, which drove Cassandra nuts. Cole would accompany Amilee when she would wander off to forage for food and herbs, which gave them plenty of one on one time for random conversation.

All in all, while the missions themselves had been quite taxing, Amilee discovered her nightmares had all but ceased and the walls she had erected around her heart were slowly ebbing away. She was both thrilled and terrified by this revelation. Because while on one hand, she was developing a team that could rival that of Garrett and Aedan's handiwork, she was also finding herself more and more attached to everyone, including Cole... as complicated as her life was, he'd been through just as much with a lot less support. She didn't want to rely on him for emotional support, even though she cared for him deeply.

When a great bear had stumble upon their tent one evening, having almost brought Cole down underneath it, Amilee had tanked the beast, using her driving force to shove it off a cliff. When The Iron Bull had jokingly nicknamed her Mama Bear, she decided to let it stick.

Better her friends think of her as a mother figure for "the kid" than a poor, lovestruck idiot. And he find out...

* * *

**Everything feels like filler for me except when it comes to the relationship between Amilee and Cole. Gah!**

**Reviews and Faves welcome!**


	8. Strong Ties and Stronger Morals

**I own nothing of Dragon Age. Just Amilee.**

**Some of Purity Ring's music seems to have oddly vague parallels to the dynamic I imagine between Cole and any female he would romance. I've already recommended one song to nothelping, who writes The Inquisitor's Ghost and they featured it for one of their chapters.**

** This one is fitting due to where they end up in this chapter.**

* * *

"_She lost her voice down by the river, screaming for courage to take oceans under, she read your mind and called it a terror, misplacing her sleep to keep the world nearer..." _-Flood on the Floor by Purity Ring

* * *

Amilee had to admit, she'd almost throttled Varric as much as Cassandra had when she found out her brother had shown up in Skyhold without warning. The dwarf's excuse after the fact was that he just wanted it to be a surprise, but both of them knew it was to protect Amilee from the brunt of Cassandra's ire.

That didn't stop the small mage from smacking the dwarf upside his head before tackling her brother with a huge hug.

"I take it you missed me, sister?" Garrett wheezed, hardly able to breath from the crushing force. He'd been in a quiet corner of the second floor of the tavern, drinking with Varric before Amilee's sudden appearance.

"You're damn right I did, Scruffy," she mumbled into his shoulder, the rough hair of his thick beard poking at her ear. "It's been months since you've replied to my letters. What gives?"

"I know," he murmured gravely, letting her sit in the chair beside him. "Varric felt it better you not know where I was. The Seeker had already hounded you for information at the start of all this. The less you knew, the better."

"Whatever," she grumbled, shooting a glare to the dwarf that promised retribution. "So I assume you're here to help with Corypheshit?"

"Ugh, were you just talking with Sera?" Varric groaned.

"I was just getting some info from her friends. She's alright when she's not calling Cole an 'it' or creepy. You know me, I'm easily amused."

"Yeah, when you aren't brooding about all the shit coming down on us." He leaned his arms on the table, gesturing with his tankard. "Which reminds me, since Garrett is here, we all need to have a little chat about what's going on in that noggin of yours."

"I'm sorry, what?" she deadpanned.

Garrett elaborated, "You used to be friendly with everyone, sis, no matter who they were or what was going on. But Varric tells me you've been keeping everyone distant since the Breach, even him. Do you mind telling us why?"

"I-" she started, caught off guard. "I thought you were gonna talk about why you're here."

"You already know why I'm here, just answer the question. The way you've been acting... it isn't like you. We're thinking something happened over these past few years that you haven't told us about."

Staring down at her hands in her lap, she paled. "N-nothing happened," she stuttered. "It's just this whole Guardian and Inquisition stuff is a lot to deal with."

"Bullshit!" Varric countered. "You've been in every fucked up mess Thedas has offered up for the past ten years, for Maker's sake! If that hasn't tripped you up, this certainly wouldn't."

"But I wasn't the one leading the battles then!"

Garrett's voice ground out in exasperation. "Between myself and the Warden, you've had plenty of off hand training on how to be a leader. Try again. This time, add Anders. Don't tell me you didn't come to Kirkwall to try and talk him out of what he did. Varric told me everything that demon spouted at you."

_Shit!_ she thought, thinking back to the confrontation with Despair. She'd been outed by a freaking demon. At least it was only one secret she was hiding. Taking a few moments to gather herself, she begrudgingly recounted what had happened in Amaranthine and then later, before the Chantry exploded.

"Are you shitting me? That bastard had the gall to turn you down, not once, but twice? If I hadn't killed him already-"

"Hawke..." Varric pleaded, gesturing to a distraught Amilee.

She had started weeping, sniffling and rubbing her eyes and Garrett deflated at the sight of his sisters pain. "I'm sorry, Amilee. I just-"

"You're just being my brother. I know. It's alright, it's just- I've been afraid that if I open up again, I'll lose someone else and since I'm..."

"Since you're immortal, you'll have to deal with it either way," Garrett spoke gently. "I'd much rather have my sister surrounded by those who care for her when I'm no longer around then no one at all. You can make many friends that will help you cope with future losses, I promise. Just stop worrying about the things you can't control and be yourself."

Nodding mutely, she curled herself back into his arms and he shushed her till her fitful tears stopped. "Now," Garrett began with a smile down at her. "Let's get down to this 'Corypheshit' business, shall we?"

* * *

Crestwood was very dark... and very wet. It was also infested with zombies. And had a very large, very unreachable rift in the middle of the lake. Basically, it was one giant 'what the fuck' waiting for the Inner Circle as they all traveled together to meet Scout Harding for her report on the area.

"It's good to see you safe guys," the freckled dwarf began with a deep frown. "We've got trouble ahead."

Herah nodded, "Well, that's why we brought everyone. If you're on edge, then it's safe to say it's big trouble."

Harding raised an eyebrow. "Big enough to increase my hazard pay?"

"Are things that bad?" Amilee queried.

Instead of responding, Harding walked over to the stone wall near the camp that overlooked the lake, letting the other follow. On the far side, they could see a swirling of green mist, akin to what a rift would emit. The only problem was, in was **in **the water.

"Shiiiit," Herah hissed.

"It sounds different. The water changes the song," Cole murmured absently behind them.

"Crestwood was the sight of a flood ten years ago, during the Blight." Harding continued grimly. "It's not the only rift in the area, but after it appeared, corpses started walking out of the lake. You'll have to fight through them to get the cave Ser Hawke's Grey Warden friend is hiding."

"Have any attacked the camp?" Blackwall asked worriedly.

"We've had a few shamblers. But most head towards the village below. I have no idea how you're going to get to that thing."

"You mean aside from wearing all your armor and wading in?" Dorian jeered.

Harding shrugged. "Unless someone in Crestwood knows."

Herah turned to Amilee, the urgency in her voice clear, "Your brother is going to have to wait till we can get to the bottom of that."

"Ha, literally," The Iron Bull joked.

Shaking her head at Bull's poor attempt at humor, Amilee turned back to Herah and replied, "No, I agree this is the immediate threat. My brother will understand. How should we do this then?"

Amilee and her group were tasked with clearing out the undead from the outskirts of town and keeping it that way while Saytie spoke to the townspeople. After she spoke with the mayor, they hightailed it to Cear Bronach to rid it of bandits and open the damn. Between Saytie and Amilee, they figured something was off with the whole flood story when they found the dam controls still intact but continued on to scout where the water had receded. Their suspicions were seated further when they found a strange note in the mayor's previous residence in Old Crestwood.

After a strange and albeit humorous encounter with a spirit of Command, or Pomposity according to Solas, Amilee's group, minus Cassandra, backtracked to the new Crestwood to find out just what the mayor was hiding. But of course, the man had fled before they even got there, leaving behind a damning confession that he was responsible for the flood.

Amilee searched the home quietly, muttering to herself that this was all a bad sign until she found the note. She read its contents silently and before even explaining why, she began tossing the furniture around in a fit of rage until Cole calmly stopped her.

"He drowned them!" she cried up at him as she clutched at his shirt. "All those people! Even the children... so many bodies," she wailed as she buried herself in his arms, unable to hold back the anguish.

In return, he held her tight and after a few moments, whispered softly, consolingly, "Breath on fire, pain flares in the chest, so much fear and flailing, why? But then its a dream and they slip away to sleep, alone but together. They are far away now, Amilee. They don't remember."

Varric came up to place a hand on her back, pulling her out of her fitful haze to glace down at his determined expression. "We'll get the sonofabitch, Doll. He can't have gone far, kay?"

Her breath stuttered as she gripped Cole tighter, breathing in his scent, letting the hum settle around her until her heartbeat slowed and she was able to pull herself back together, bit by bit.

"Thank you," she whispered, stepping away from the young man. "You're right, Varric. He's got nowhere to hide after this shit."

"That's right, Mama," The Iron Bull chuckled. "You'll get the smackdown on that asshole once we track him down."

"While watching our pintsize leader put a boot in the mayor's arse would be the icing on top of this bloody shitcake, I believe we still have a rift that needs closing," the Tevinter mage called from the door.

"Right, priorities," Amilee sighed. "What would I do without your invaluable guidance?"

His arms crossed as he leaned against the door frame. "Oh I'm certain you would do just fine without me. Just be incredibly bored and lackluster without my magnificent presence to entertain and handsome visage to look upon."

At this, Amilee snorted. "All I see is the word Trap on your forehead when I look at you, Dorian."

Varric and The Iron Bull laughed at her vague reference to Dorian's preference for men.

"You wound me, Guardian!" He brought his hand to his chest jokingly. "Do I not give you the attention you desire?"

She returned his mockingly pointed look. "I know better to expect desire from a man who dresses better than me. Point your wily ways at someone else, mister, I won't fall for you."

"Be still my aching heart," he quipped back.

"You would die if your heart stopped, Dorian," Cole stated with confusion.

"And that, my friends, is our cue to get back to the task at hand," the mage noted with an eye roll.

* * *

When Mayor Gregory Dedrick was brought before the Inquisition for judgment, Herah officially turned over the final decision to Amilee. She had been prepared for her consideration. Herah and the advisers had been informed of the effect the confession had had on her and felt that she was the most qualified, having witnessed first hand what had happen during the Blight and what they'd uncovered in Old Crestwood.

While she was still very angry with the man for his actions, knowing how slow a death was by Blight in comparison to drowning... It had been a merciful albeit selfish act. As such, she declared Gegory Dedrick exiled from Ferelden forever and sent the man on his way.

The Iron Bull confronted her in the main hall afterward.

"Why didn't you kill the guy?" he growled. "I was expecting a full on execution, maybe an added punch to the face with how you acted before. What changed?"

Staring up at the Qunari in surprise, Amilee replied, "One, I am the Guardian to the Inquisition. It'd be a little unnerving to our people if my first judgment call was a full on sword swing through the neck. Second, Cole described those people's deaths perfectly. When you're drowning, it is a brief bout of struggling before you fall asleep and die. Death by the Blight take hours and with how many children there were..." she shuddered from the memory putting her hand to her forehead. "I'm not condoning what the man did, which is why I still punished him. If the families of those who fell to the flood see fit to track and kill him, that's their choice. But for me, those people are just dead and gone. Adding one more body to the pile will not bring them back."

"I still think your call was soft."

"And you are entitled to that opinion. Do you want to spar instead of bitching?"

His eyebrows raised at the offer but he shook his head, laughing. "Nah, I'm good. Just making sure you got your head on straight."

She grabbed her chin and the back of her head, tilting it until her neck popped. "There, all better."

"Ah, you're fine," he grinned. "So I hear we're heading for the Western approach next, right?"

Amilee frowned, dreading the idea of setting foot in that despicable place again. "After we clear up a few things in the Exalted Plains we'll be meeting up with the Inquisitor, yes. We'll take the Chargers this time though, I'm sure they're itching to do more than the silly missions we've been running them on."

"Ugh, Krem and Skinner won't shut up about the stupid nobles they've been escorting. Rocky's been itching to blow up some Vints and Stitches is sitting on his thumbs because no one's getting a scratch. Grim and Dalish are the only one's who haven't complained, at least."

"Eh, Grim doesn't really count for words, but I'm sure Dalish wouldn't mind unleashing her 'bow' on some better targets."

The Iron Bull laughed once more, "Yeah. Oh, I wanted to ask. You aren't... involved with anyone right now are you?"

Her expression went blank. "Come again?"

"Are you in a relationship with anyone?" he enunciated.

"Umm... no?"

"Well alright then."

She gave him a narrowed stare. "Whyyy?"

"No reason."

"Bullshit."

"Ugh, really?" he groused.

"Well, don't dodge the question."

"Don't worry about it, Mama. I can see now isn't the time," he smiled as he looked past her.

Josephine approached Amilee in that moment to let her know her request for her balcony had been approved and before she turned around again, the Qunari had disappeared.

Just. Wonderful.

* * *

**Uh oh. Bull has plans. Thats never a good sign. :3**

**Am I at least keeping spot on with the characters? Do let me know if one says something that doesn't seem like them.**

**Reviews and Favs please!**


	9. I Will Remember

**I own nothing of Dragon Age. Just Amilee.**

**For those of you who have been reading since I first began posting this, Saytie is being replaced by Herah, as it is the original name for the female Adaar. I've used the original names for Hawke and Cousland, so it seems more fitting I stick to the original for my Inquisitor as well.**

**For those who read my first fic The Hare Swallowed Whole, you will be pleased to hear I am attempting to pick it up once more. Just give me a bit, rl life has smacked me in the face a bit and I'm trying to recover.**

* * *

The Exalted Plains were... plain. And it smelled of dead bodies.

Amilee curled her nose at the faint stench as she stomped her way up the winding curve of the small creek that bordered Halin'suhlan.

The others were temporarily set up near the Dalish encampment, taking a break for lunch and turning in some of the goods the clan had most desperately needed in exchange for one of their ranks becoming an agent for their cause.

Earlier that day, she had enlisted The Iron Bull, Cole, and Dorian's help in rounding up a golden halla for the Dalish as well, but The Iron Bull had been uncharacteristically nagging at her for wasting their time.

The last straw had been when he scoffed openly at the halla 'shepherd' for his stammering gratitude.

She'd knocked the qunari into the river with a burst of force and walked away in a huff, completely pissed off by his behavior.

As she rounded another bend in the river, she heard a shout from behind her. "Guardian! Wait up."

Looking back, she saw Krem running to catch up to her.

"I'm not in the mood for company right now," Amilee grumbled to the warrior.

"Sorry bout the chief back there." He gestured with a thumb pointing behind him. "He's pretty persistent when he wants to be."

Her response was miffed. "I have no idea why. It's not like we were doing anything unreasonable."

"Well, actually..." Krem began, averting his eyes as he continued. "He was trying to get you to run off."

At this her brow rose incredulously, "What the _hell_ for?"

A nervous smile formed at the corner of the warriors lips as he scratched his head. "He was giving me an opportunity to catch you alone."

Her heart dropped when the words sank in. "Uh..."

"I know we haven't spoken much. You're pretty busy, being the Guardian and all. But I've... you know, been interested in getting to know you more."

Her stunned silence gave the man pause. "I'm not overstepping, am I?"

Quickly, Amilee brought up her hands and shook her head. "No no, I understand it's just... It's complicated."

"How so?"

With a great sigh and a hand to her forehead, she explained, "It's not that I wouldn't be interested. And just to put your mind at ease it has nothing to do with your being trans-gender."

"Being what?"

She blushed despite herself. "You're a man at heart and in mind with the body of a woman. That's what we call trans-gender, back in my world. Same thing if it was reversed."

Krem frowned. "Ah. Was it that obvious?"

"Not to people around here, I'm sure. It's more commonly accepted in my country though, so it's more easily recognized. But that's not the issue in this case. The fact is... I... My heart belongs to someone else."

The warrior grimaced. "It's not the commander, is it?"

"No," she laughed abruptly, then cleared her throat when she realized it sounded rude. "It's someone else. Someone who doesn't know, can't know. And I can't say who it is for their protection. I wouldn't want things to get complicated from them finding out. Just trust me when I say, while I am more than happy to have this become a close friendship at best, it would be unkind to give you false hope for anything more."

"I see.." Krem replied softly, shoulders slumping slightly.

There was a long pause, as the sound of rushing water and the breeze through the trees filled the space between.

"Ugh, this is so complicating," Amilee groaned. "The Iron Bull's gonna hound me with questions."

Krem chuckled. "Yeah, he will..." His eyes brighten with a thought. "Unless we make him think otherwise."

"Huh?"

"You're pretty sure nothing's gonna come of this right? Well, whose to say something like this won't happen again. Another heart to break and all."

"Krem," she started, throat tightening with remorse.

"Ah, don't worry about it. But the next guy might not be so accommodating. So how's about this. To save face for me and prevent others from approaching you, we let them think what they want."

Perturbed at the idea, she concluded, "As in, a fake relationship."

"Yeah, well no. We'd simply spend time together and let the others gossip. Not to be blunt but you seem a pretty private person. If we act like we're together, it'll make everyone else think twice before approaching you. At least until whoever you like gets their butt in gear. And who knows, maybe one day I'll change your mind."

"Krem," she warned.

"Hey, don't get all defensive on me. It'll be my fault if I get hurt from here on out. But someone's gotta have your back with this, right? Unless you want more suitors looking to break down your door. So what do you say?"

For a minute she pondered the idea. The likelihood of anyone discovering she was in love with Cole was slim to none, so long as she kept her distance. But if the others found out about her true attachment, she would face their wrath, assuming that she was cheating. When she voiced as much to the man before her, however, he waved her off. "If it comes down to that, I'll vouch for you."

"Then fine, I guess. But don't go spreading lies like you took me on the war table or something," she cautioned. "Or you're gonna get a backhand."

At this the former Tevinter soldier laughed, "I can work with that. Why don't we fish out some grub before we head back. Let the tongues start wagging." Speaking of wagging, his brows danced on his forehead.

Snickering, she finally smiled at him. "Let see who can catch the most, yeah?"

"That-a-girl."

* * *

_Two weeks later- Western Approach_

Amilee groaned as she flopped down on the makeshift cot in her tent at the Griffon Wing Keep.

About a week prior, they had made it to this godforsaken desert and by the first day she was already sick of it. Not only was the desert unaccommodating to her dark clothing, with sand so far up her crack she could shit glass, she also had to pretend she didn't know where she'd been going the entire time.

Three days in, Dorian had almost called her out on her bullshit when she suggested they detour away from a patch of desert where she distinctly remembered having run into wyverns. But she played it off as a gut feeling that it simply wasn't the direction they needed to go and the scrutiny of his gaze faltered and he let the matter be.

She was having a hard enough time dealing with the Venatori they were encountering in the area. Those under the influence of red lyrium were a bit more difficult for her to fight, the song from the living mineral effecting her jut as badly as the others, if not more so. And somehow, they knew it. She always seemed to be their main target, calling out to each other to focus solely on either her demise or capture.

Thankfully, Krem had decided to attach himself to her hip when in battle, keeping his shield between her and the bulk of the Venatroi.

They ended up a little late to the main event and were debriefed by Herah about what had gone down at some ancient ritual tower with this new 'douche bag and the box it came in' named Erimond. Suffice it to say, the lot of them were appalled. None more so than her brother.

Grey Wardens were murdering each other for sacrifice in a ritual to bind demons and in turn,coming under the control of Corypheus.

Amilee couldn't fathom how someone could just take over your mind and dance you around like a puppet on strings, but as it was described, that's exactly what was happening. And that meant the Wardens were just as much a danger as the Venatori themselves.

The Inner Circle converged to take down those few left holed up at the Griffon Wing Keep and they claimed it for themselves.

Which brought this all to the present day.

Amilee's group stayed behind to relinquish run of the Keep to the reinforcements on their way from Skyhold. While the idea of a weeks vacation was nice, having it in the midst of this veritable wasteland was far from comforting.

Dorian constantly complained about the sand getting everywhere while Varric grumbled about missing his manuscripts and Bianca drying out. Cassandra was blessedly stoic and The Iron Bull and the Chargers were sated as long as the ale they'd brought up from the well stocked cellars kept flowing. But Cole seemed... despondent.

Rightfully so though as, without her in his memory, she'd imagine he couldn't recollect anything happy about having been out here. Just this morning she'd spied him crouched down to look out from the battlements high above, the air about him muted beyond a slight breeze billowing his hair, hat-less for once. She'd jumped up with her force to reach the walkway just behind him and sat down next to him. She remained quiet, letting him decide whether or not he wanted to speak.

After a time he sighed wearily. "I don't like it here," he whispered fiercely.

"I-" she couldn't say she knew, because if she did, he would wonder how. "I don't either, hun."

"All I remember was fear, when I was here before. Fear and fevered whispers, tainted songs from darkspawn and undead. Nothing should live here. Too much, too big, and too empty."

She leaned forward on her hands to get a better view of his face as he recapped himself. "Hun, you could have gone with Herah if you wanted. I wouldn't keep you somewhere that makes you this uncomfortable."

"I like to be near you, help make sure you stay safe. You're my friend, like Solas is my friend. Like Varric. And the warmth makes it all... less?" He brought his knees up to wrap his arms around as he continued, "Words bounce off the edges. I just don't know to say it right."

"It doesn't matter to me how you say it, hun. I like to know what you're thinking."

"But I can't hear you." He seemed disgruntled having to say it, as though he were admitting a weakness. "I can't tell if what I say is the right thing to say, if it might make you happy, sad, or angry. You're the only person that I've met that is like this. It makes me want to know more about you than anyone else." He paused. "Why are you like you? Why do you look at me without seeing what everyone else sees?"

That was easy. "Because I was treated the same way, when I first came here. I was an oddity, couldn't speak like everyone else, had strange habits and even stranger ways of thinking. The more I learned here, the easier it was to adapt, to blend my way of thinking, of speaking like they do. It's not so hard, once you find friends. People who are not only willing to accept you for you, but also to help you succeed with things you couldn't otherwise. I'm more than happy to be that for you."

He picked at his shirt sleeve absently. "I never needed anybody before. I simply was. Flitting, flying, fluttering free, without need, or want, or thought on where I was going. There was no before, no after. Everything that ever was and would or could be, was. But here time is straight, trudging forward with solid forms and rigid rules. I stumble, even when I know what needs to be said. Sometimes I wish I could go back."

The ache in her chest grew sharp, but she squelched it. Her feelings didn't matter in this. "Would you, if you had the chance?"

"I don't know," he murmured, head obscured once more.

After a minute, she explained her perspective. "When I first got here, I felt the same as you. All I wanted was to go home to my family, go back to school. I missed the technology, the food, the music... I even missed basic hygiene, like toilet paper." She chuckled at the last part. "But as time wore on, the less likely it seemed I would be able to go back. Not only because I don't know how, but because of how much I've changed. I'm here now, and I play a big part in what happens to this world. I have people who care for me too so it's not just me making it by, I'm thriving."

"What if you could forget?" he queried. "Would you go then?"

She smiled wistfully, pulling his hat off and placing it on her lap, forcing him to concentrate his gaze on her. "You're only you now because of what you have been through, all you've experienced. If you went back you would have to wash clean, forget everything, right?"

"Yes," was his tentative prompt.

"Then would you really be you anymore? The you you are now?"

His eyes widened in revelation and he looked away. The response was shaky, "I-No. I wouldn't."

She put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly which brought his fearful eyes back to hers. "I'm not saying you shouldn't go if you really wanted to. If nothing here makes you want to stay then you should, by all means, do what makes you happy."

For a moment it was almost as though he couldn't speak, barely breathing as he stared back at her, his expression unreadable.

"Just... know this," she continued tenderly, plopping his hat back on his head and adjusting it accordingly. "You can't make me forget. I will always remember you and I will cherish your memory for as long as I live. Alright?"

While he never gave her a reply she felt a strange confidence that he didn't need to. She left him alone then, to contemplate further, and returned to the others.

* * *

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	10. Here There Be Dragons

**I own nothing of Dragon Age. Just Amilee.**

**Well, I'm getting it together again. Back on track, though it took how many months? Let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

* * *

_"All she's got is the way he looks, many miles on the other side, he had overheard her choice, then he delved off the cliffside, sacrifice he just wants to help, holds the world like a baby, takes his mask off and lulls his head, then she sees him on the screen.._" -Let it Be, by Blackmill

* * *

-_One Week Later_-

If it weren't for the fact she had the balance of Thedas to worry over, Amilee would have thrown in the towel and walked off with a resounding _Fuck this shit!_

They'd just recieved a missive that they'd be staying another two weeks until the bulk of the Inquisition forces would arrive with borrowed sappers and trebuchets to take on Adamant Fortress, where Erimond and the Wardens were preparing a demon army. Suffice it to say, Amilee was pissed beyond measure and was already plotting the many ways she would kill that damned squirrely bastard when she got her hands on him. The last thing in the world she wanted to do was go back to that wretched place.

After fuming for a good half day, she promptly sought out her companions and broke the news. She also added that they would be taking on more acquisitions and quests while they waited. Anything to distract herself from the upcoming march upon that hellhole.

Meanwhile, Cassandra was called back to meet up with the other advisors and the Chargers were sent word of a new mission, which would take them from the front lines for a good three months. She was enjoying her time with them all despite the location and it was honestly really inconvenient they had to leave... Or so she thought.

Krem's nose curled in disgust as he sat next to her on a high wall and read what Amilee had handed to him. "So some noble lady in Ferelden needs company on her round trip to the Free Marches. And out of all the mercenaries you have, we are the ones that have to go?"

"She requested you specifically. By name, as you can see. Apparently you made quite the impression on her cousin when you escorted her to Orlais," Amilee joked, nudging the warrior lightly with her elbow. "Something tells me she might have a thing for you. Anyways, we have to maintain good graces with this family, so there's really no other choice."

"Eh, well... This is actually good timing," Krem sighed as he suddenly stared off into the distance.

Her brow furrowed in momentary confusion. She'd never seen the warrior so despondent. "Why? Is something wrong?"

He shrugged and took a few moments before answering. "I'd been trying to wrap my head around it, you know. Who it could be."

"Who it could be?" she parroted

He gave her a sidelong glance and a feigned smirk, which she recalled he would do usually when he was about to give someone bad news. "The lucky dog who holds your heart."

"Krem..." she began to admonish, intent upon lecturing him about how clear she had been before.

"I figured it out though," he continued as he folded the missive and tucked it into his vestment. "Like you said then, you couldn't tell anyone, because you didn't want who it was to find out. At first I was puzzled. I figured, you'd have to be around them all the time if you always had to keep it to yourself. But then, if you trust us all, why couldn't you tell the rest?"

Her blood ran cold, her breath hitching in fear.

"And then I got to thinking. If you can't tell any of us, even though you know none of us would say a damn thing to save their life, then its gotta be someone who could figure it out without be told... The Iron Bull is really good about knowing what someone feels, but even he can't even tell we aren't really together, so he's out."

She took a death grip of her cloak, hoping he'd pick wrong. But Krem was smart.

"Then there's Varric, but I figured you two would have gotten together long ago. He's a sucker for all that romance shit he writes. You'd be two peas in a pod if you had the notion for him. So I scratched him off the list too." With a flourish of his hand he added, "And Dorian, pfft! You know well enough not to fall for him... But then, I saw you with the kid up here on the wall the other day. And I saw that smile you only ever give to him."

All color drained from Amilee's face and she slumped forward, bringing her hands to her face. _This is it_, she thought. She had finally exhausted all efforts to keep her secret. _It's only a matter of time now._

"At first glance it looks like the smile of a friend, just overly affectionate, like a sister or mother. But if you look close, the smile doesn't reach your eyes. There's no one else who gets along with that gangly limbed spirit boy more than you. So why would looking at him always make you feel sad."

He shifted as if he was uncomfortable, picking at the armor plate on his thigh absently. "It was then that it hit me. It's not sadness... It's longing." He rubbed his face then ran his fingers through his hair as though frustrated by the revelation. "We all spend so much time treating him like he is a kid, no one would ever guess you actually see him as a man. But it's right there, if you know to look for it."

"And you're right. If you told just one of us? All it would take is that one person thinking about it and him listening in." Snapping his fingers, he finally looked at her. "And he would know."

She couldn't bear looking at him. Head still lowered in shame, she whispered pleadingly, "Krem, please."

"Hey." His hand came round and brought her face up, his thumb wiping away an errant tear. "I'm not saying you shouldn't feel this way. I'm saying I get it now. He's a good kid, Amilee. He's sharper than we give him credit for but he's had a rough time dealing with all this, being what he is. You just want to protect him from more complications. He deserves someone with your kindness... I'm not sure if it'll work." He shrugged."But hey, stranger things have happend."

He then slapped his thigh as though snapping himself out of melancholy. "So it's good that I'm going. I've been trying my best to keep high spirits so he doesn't pick up on it. But it would only be a matter of time." Krem took her hand and held it up between them, kissing the knuckle. "I'm gonna come back at some point. And when I do, he's gonna find out soon after that. So it's either you tell him between now and then, or he finds out through me. Either way, you can't run from this anymore."

So struck by panic and anxiousness, all she could give him was a slight nod.

Krem stood up and dusted himself off, peeking over the parapet that overlooked the abyss. He added wearily, "I'll make sure to break it to the chief when I get back. So he doesn't think badly of you. Three months should be enough time for you, right?" With that, the Charger's second in command walked away with just a wave, his steps brisk as though he himself was trying not to run.

Amilee sat for what seemed like ages, contemplating Krem's words before she moved quietly to watch the Chargers ride off into the setting sun. No amount of reasoning could still the frantic beat of her heart. Only one question remained. How the hell was she going to tell Cole?

* * *

-_Three days later_-

"So when you say dragon baiting, you mean..." The Iron Bull stared at Amilee with a wide eye and hopeful smile.

"The one that flew over our heads three days ago, I assume," she replied, cringing away from his sudden eagerness.

"But you mean we might fight it, right?"

Amilee raised her brow and shook her hands in front of her fervently, mouth gaped open. "_Hell to the NO!_ You do know I fought an archdemon, right? It sucked ass! Why the _hell_ would I want to fight a High Dragon?"

For such a brutish, tough warrior, The Iron Bull could pout as pathetically as a puppy. "Aww, come on. I've always wanted to see one in battle. Think of the glory and fame we would gain if we brought back her head."

In the midst of their travels, they happend to come upon a Professor from the University of Orlais named Frederic. After his initial ramblings about dragon physiology, Amilee's interest peaked and she offered their assistance. Much to her dismay, The Iron Bull had an ulterior motive for tagging along this whole time.

"I'm not interested in fame and glory! I'm more interested in keeping our heads attached to our bodies, which is the least of what could change if we took on such a beast!" She rubbed her face in exasperation as she continued, "This is just a scientific inquiry on a dragon's eating habits. As soon as the bait is set we are hightailing it to cover, understood?"

Deflated, The Iron Bull growled and sat back down on his makeshift cot. "Fine. Far be it from me to argue with the boss."

"I should be so lucky," she groused back.

It took three days Dorian's whining, Cole's despondence, Varric's grousing, and The Iron Bull's overly enthusiastic behavior for them to scrounge up the resources needed and one more after that to prepare their cover.

Stink bait in place, she ushered the others swiftly to the camouflaged half shelter she'd concocted a hundred yards away near a cliff face. Winds were unusually high in the valley, which was good for the smell to travel.

Unfortunately, it was bad for Cole's hat. As he had dashed forward alongside her, a gust lifted his hat up and off his head, flying higher than he could reach.

"My hat!" he cried, forgetting what was happening.

"It'll be fine, hun," Amilee reassured. "The dragon won't be interested in eating it-"

"I'll get it!" The Iron Bull offered loudly and ran after the runaway accessory before Amilee could stop him.

"Bull! You _goddamn_ idiot!" She bellowed, but to no avail.

"It's no use, Guardian," Dorian sighed, unsheathing his staff. "If the Bull wants it, somehow he gets it."

"Know this from experience, do you Sparkler?" Varric teased. The grin disappeared however as a great cry sounded off in the distance "Oh, shit!"

"She's coming," Cole murmured beside her, fear in his voice. "She is very big."

On instinct, she pulled him close for comfort, both remembering the fight with the archdemon in the Fade, however different the scenarios played out. By the time The Iron Bull reached the hat, the dragon was flying overhead having spotted the Qunari in it's wake.

"Fuck!" Amilee barked. "Everyone take your positions!"

Varric took point at a dilapidated pillar with Bianca at the ready, Dorian circled around The Iron Bull as he cast a rock armor spell, and Bull dropped Cole's hat to take up his great axe, cheering at the top of his lungs. "Today is a good day! Today is a very good day!"

Cole pulled out his flame runed daggers but then looked to her with panic. "Fire is her friend. I won't be able to help!"

Amilee glared over at the cause of this mess."Damn you, stubborn Qunari," she ground out. She relinquished her own daggers to Cole, wishing she'd had the foresight to arm herself with her kunai.

"No," Cole argued firmly. "You can't hide like I can."

"Who said anything about hiding?" Amilee countered with an encouraging smile. "We got this, hun. Just keep her distracted."

"You have an idea," he guessed with a frown and a glare.

She slipped off her cloak to relieve herself of the excess weight. She wanted to move fast without getting caught. "Naturally."

His stance became rigid. He quoted the chant those at Skyhold would recite in reference to her, "'To protect and preserve, the Guardian is a shield from our enemies.' He continued with annoyance, "You're ideas always involve you being in the most danger. And it always makes me angry at you."

She was surprised by his admission at first as it was so uncharacteristic of him to defy her directions in battle. Not to mention this was only the second time he'd ever taken that tone with her. "Cole, I- We don't have time for this right now!"

"No, we don't," he growled, shoving her daggers to her chest. His finger came up inches from her nose and she froze in shock to stare into his sharp gaze of glittering ice. "You will fight as you always should, alongside your friends. You would be safer. Darkness and shadow, mine to call when I need. **I** will find another way to help."

"Cole-"

In a flash he teleported to the half shelter, just as the dragon landed nearly on top of The Iron Bull and she had to turn her focus to the task at hand.

* * *

"You disobeyed a direct order! What part of 'we aren't fighting the dragon' did you not understand?!" Amilee screamed up at The Iron Bull, just as she knelt down to expose an unconscious Varric's chest under his ripped tunic. She winced as she revealed a long gash that started from the center of his breastbone down over his right ribs. The wound wasn't deep but enough of the muscles had been severed that it would take days for the dwarf to recover without proper healing magic. Which neither she nor Dorian had.

For once, The Iron Bull seemed subdued, having plopped down on the sand a few feet from them. "Sorry Boss."

"Sorry doesn't cut it!" she countered. "I'm kicking your ass all the way to Griffon Wing Keep and then you're are doing bitch work until Adamant, am I clear?"

"Yes, Boss."

Amilee then looked over her shoulder. "Dorian?"

Sweating buckets, the mage was unsteady on his feet, using his staff to keep himself upright. "Sorry my dear," he grimaced. "I'm all out of mana and lyrium."

"Shit!" she cursed, only to turn back to find a regeneration potion held up for her to take.

Cole was now crouched on the other side of Varric, his stare fixed morosely on his fallen friend. "She was magnificent. But not worth the dwarf's pain, didn't think we were so outmatched. Tama would be disappointed too."

"Come on, Kid..." The Iron Bull pleaded.

"You were wrong. We may have won, but you were still wrong. I am angry at you."

Amilee snatched the potion roughly and administered the vials contents to her patient. Then she turned her fury on the spirit. "I'm not happy with you either, Cole. What the hell were you thinking, climbing the dragon like that? She could have flown off without a by your leave and you would have fallen to your death!"

"Spoons aren't good for stabbing dragon scales. But the eyes are soft. She couldn't see to fly after that."

"And yet this still happened," she stated with exasperation, indicating to their fallen comrade. "Good job!"

Cole's hat obscured his darkening features. His fists tightening were the only indication of his own ire. "You blame me for helping! All of you singed, seared, and scalded if I didn't. It might not have helped much, but it did and I will not be sorry!" He stood and she bit back another retort. Deep down she knew she was just lashing out in fear.

"Warmth flares an itching burn," Cole muttered, rubbing at his chest whilst storming off.

"The Kid giving backtalk? That's new," The Iron Bull commented lightly.

"Hush, Bull," Dorian chided. "Before you're at the receiving end of our dear Guardian's fists of fury. Amilee dear, I would have been surprised if any of us had not come out with some life threatening injury. Cole is certainly not to blame for trying his best with what he could find. Perhaps though, it is best that we pull ourselves together and get back to camp, yes?"

Amilee contemplated the situation carefully. Already the regeneration potion was knitting together the damaged skin on Varric's chest, but the muscles beneath would take longer to mend. Her old friend would recover before Adamant, but only just.

That being the case, they couldn't move him without support, lest they injured him further. Sitting back and wiping her brow, she took a deep breath. "Th iron Bull, you will move Varric to the half shelter. Then you all will head back to camp. Have Cole lead a company of soldiers here with a cart and a bag of whatever herbs and potions we have stored there while you two get your rest."

"Yes, Guardian," the two acknowledged in unison.

* * *

**Favs, follows, and reviews are appreciated. :)**


	11. On the Subject of Fear

**I own nothing of Dragon Age. Just my never-ending love for it's characters.**

**Heads up, I am trying something slightly different with Cole's speech. Enjoy!**

* * *

_"I'll never escape, bound by this love, this life and next, with stars above, don't let me go, don't let me go, burning fires at the speed of light, you're my soul, don't let go."_ Gravity, by tyDi, Carmen Keigans

* * *

_-Griffon Wing Keep, Two days later-_

Dorian entered the medical tent quietly, stepping softly out of the cool pre-dawn air so as not to wake the qunari warroir bunked in the far corner of the tent. He'd have liked nothing more than to sleep in, wrapped in the arms of said warrior, if he would but admit it. But he was far from ready to address that particular notion and the missive he'd recieved from his contacts in Tevinter brought him here in hopes to speak with Varric.

Since the dwarf's need to recover from the fight with the high dragon and with the assault on Adamant fortress mere days away, he wouldn't have time to discuss the contents of the message for some time unless he did so now.

The dwarf in question was still abed, but alert. Something on Dorian's face must have showed because he waved the mage over quietly, somehow knowing the conversation was going to be serious.

"Alright, what's wrong, Sparkler?" Varric prompted softly.

"We may have a lead in our investigation to find our Guardian's 'old friend.'"

Eyebrows raised in interest, the dwarf sat up gingerly. "You don't seem too happy about it," he grunted. "Should I prepare the Kid for disappointment?"

"I'm not sure yet," was the honest reply. The mage sat on the edge of the cot next to Varric's. "Apparently, based on the descriptions of the elf Athenril had given, my contacts have determined that this V'lartha had taken on a new name under service to a new magister." A grim line set upon the mage's face. "A magister that had close ties with Alexius."

Varric's expression mirrored Dorian's. "Uh, oh."

Dorian nodded once, agreeing. "When the investigator had other slaves questioned, they reported that she had been sold to someone else and has disappeared entirely. But from what I can ascertain, the poor woman has grown quite old and sickly over the years."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"When buying a slave, one must take into account the years of service the slave can give versus the upkeep necessary to keep them alive and healthy," Dorian explained. "Health, age, and sex are factored and the slave is priced accordingly. At this point, she would only have been useful to sell as fodder for blood magic, if you'll excuse my bluntness."

Varric had grimaced at the thought.

"However, if I understand the copied statement for this transaction," he continued, holding out the document in question. "She was bought well over the reasonable price for a blood mage's sacrifice. And this transaction was quite recent."

This gave the dwarf pause and he took the document to read it over. "So the question would be, what was the true reason for buying her, if not for her ability to work her hands to the bone or to bleed her life away for some demonic ritual?"

"Exactly. This worries me, Varric..." The mage fingered his mustache absently. "This elf is the only person outside of Amilee's family and friends who knows her true origin."

Varric grew pale and clenched the thin sheet that spread over him with his free hand. "And if Corypheous' minions got ahold of her..."

"Then Amilee's secret may be out."

The parchment he held was crumpled as Varric cursed, "Shit, fuck, and Maker's balls!"

"This would explain the Venatori's sudden interest in her capture or demise," the mage said reasonably. "Varric, I think we should warn her."

Rubbing his sore ribs absently, Varric shook his head. "With all that's going on right now, I don't think this would be the best time. It's not like everything else in this Maker-forsaken place isn't trying to kill her anyhow."

"Be that as it may, if she were captured, the Inquisition would stand to lose what little advantage it has. Not to mention the ramifications brought on by some radical, self proclaimed god's control of her power."

In a puff of smoke, their startled attentions drew to Cole, whose relaxed crouch upon the table behind Varric belied his anxious words. "_Thedas isn't ready for this, no idea what would happen if she fell into his hands, total disaster and destruction._ She's in real danger, now we know, but her knowing will not help. A storm looms on the horizon while adrift in murky waters. We are at it's mercy without paddle to row or sail to steer. She cannot know. Not yet."

"Why ever not?" Dorian snapped in irritation.

"If she knew, it would add more guilt, distraction and disillusion. Already she hurts, muted warmth and quiet measures. Stuttered, flickering like a candle, we would do more harm than good. No thanks to The Iron Bull."

"Come on, Kid... Give a guy a break," came a rumbling protest from the qunari, sitting up to stretch. The Ben-Hassrath had probably been eavesdropping on their entire conversation.

"A break is the least you need," the Tevinter mage countered wryly. "In light of your giving our dear Amilee such a hard time."

Cole rocked on his heels, teetering on the edge of the table, as he added softly, "My anger probably hurt her, too."

With a start and a sigh, Varric rubbed his forehead. "And why exactly were you angry with her, Kid?"

"Cullen says a leader's actions should inspire strength, to become more and fight harder, not to simply stand in awe_._ Amilee tries to sacrifice for us as one alone when she should lead us as one together," the spirit clarified gently.

"Hard to get her out of that habit when she's lost as much as she has," Varric quipped solemnly.

With a vague expression of seriousness, Cole looked to the dwarf. "She has more than she thinks, she just doesn't see."

"Ain't that the truth," The Iron Bull grumbled. "That's a woman for you."

Dorian threw out his hand and raised an eyebrow for emphasis as he responded, "Yes, but telling said woman on the cusp of a battle probably isn't the best way to get one's point across, hmm?"

Abruptly, Varric's eyes narrowed on Cole in consideration. "Kid, are you okay? We're just now seeing you after two days and you seem more... I don't know, spirit-y than usual."

The young man glanced away, lost in thought for a few moments, murmuring to himself, "_Would that I could take time and not be chased, to contemplate the state I am and had misplaced." _Then he bit his lip and studied his fingers. "Adamant is close, too close. And we have go there to win against demons drawn out by Elder One. I don't want to."

"Neither do I. But so what?" The Iron Bull challenged. "Just suck it up and deal."

"It's not like you have to go, Cole," Dorian reasoned as he slapped the qunari on the arm. "While this brute hasn't a thought about it, you don't have fond memories of that place and that wouldn't bode well for your focus. Amilee would let you go back to Skyhold instead, no question."

Shaking his head slowly, the young man answered, "She said I could stay behind if it was too much but I can't do that. I promised to help. If someone got hurt because I didn't, I... Memories of blood and death and darkness. Made real time after time, again and again. It'll be the same and thoughts become sharp, too sharp. I have to float above it by being more like me, before I grew. That way it can't reach me."

The dwarf chuckled and scoffed, "And you lectured Amilee for being distant..."

"I-" Cole started but realized what Varric stated was truth. "Oh." His hat obscured his face suddenly but the others imagined he now felt regret. "How did I not know?"

"Hindsight, my dear boy," Dorian offered as he stood, taking up his staff to make an exit. "We see wrong just fine in others, but when it comes to ourselves..."

"We don't see." After another moment, Cole took a breath and looked at his friends with a more animated expression of sheepishness. "I understand. I'm sorry."

"Save yourself the effort. There's no need to apologize to us," Dorian sniffed mildly. Then he yawned, waving as he headed out of the tent, presumably to go back to his.

"Thanks for the heads up, Sparkler!" Varric called out as the mage departed. Then he turned back to Cole. "I believe our illustrious Guardian will be skulking around in her tent. Between taking care of me and the nightmares she said she's having, she hasn't had much sleep."

""Yes. I will go and tell her I was the wrong way right. And then I will try to help."

* * *

"_The Archdemon!" Wynne cried in horror._

_There was no time to react. The dragon descended onto the square with the force of an immense earthquake. Cole tried to dive out of the way as Amilee reach out for him, but the massive wings of the beast beat once and sent a hurricane like wind sweeping through the square. The young man was lifted up, along with many of the dead soldiers, and flung through the air. Amilee too had been knocked back, in the opposite direction._

_"Cole!" Amilee screamed as she recovered. Looking back to the great beast with hatred, she scrambled to her feet and backed up, the others calling for a retreat._

_The dragon reared up, its serpentine neck curling. It then lunged forward, belching a blast of black flame from its mouth. As its focus lay on the other mages, Amilee once again called forth her kunai, fanning out behind and around her like a set of deadly wings._

_She spotted a building tall enough for what she needed and she set off a wave of force that propelled her up and up, until her feet landed at the apex of a lone tower. Her blades then swooped down, aiming for one great wing, shredding through as if it were paper._

_The dragon swiveled it's head trying to avoid the attacks and discern her location. Weaving back and forth she moved her blades faster, ripping at the decrepit flesh until the first wing fell apart and the Archdemon screamed in anger and agony._

_It finally spotted her and she quickly jumped to float down from the impossible height, as it's tail whipped around to knock against the tower. The stones crumbled under the force and the structure collapsed in on itself._

_Wynne and Adrian began their attack, as well as Shale, who ran up to tackle the dragon's flank. "I killed it once," she bellowed. "And I'll kill it again!" In moments she was tossed aside, but Evageline was there to step in, greatsword swinging._

_Cole. Where is Cole? Amilee thought, her mind racing as a lightning storm appeared above them. Then she spotted him, a mere few feet from the dragon, trying to dodge the sparks and the beast as best he could._

_The dragon's focus turned on the young man and it coiled its neck to strike. _

_Amilee tried to move but her feet were frozen in place. She looked down to find a black ooze had begun to immerse around her legs and she looked up again, helpless as the Archdemon took Cole up by the torso and flung him across the square, his body broken and head caved in. He was dead._

_She opened her mouth and screamed..._

And woke up still screaming. Clutching a sheet to her chest, she sat up swiftly to orient herself. Bringing a trembling hand to her sweat soaked forehead, she silently thanked Dorian for teaching her to soundproof her tent. Otherwise the whole of the keep would have come rushing to aid her.

Bad dreams were one thing, but she had relived this particular memory five times over only two nights. No sleeping draught nor powder was helping. It was obvious though why she was being haunted.

Cole had enacted his disappearing act again soon after he and the soldiers helped her return Varric to the keep. And this time, the hum of his presence had disappeared as well, which meant he had left the vicinity of the keep entirely. It had been months since she'd felt this bereft and she was afraid she had lost him.

It was only now, as she came out of her stupor, that she could detect his presence nearing. Relief washed over her like a tidal wave and she hurled the covers off her to meet him as he entered the tent.

Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around his middle and crushed her tear stained face to his chest. "Where did you go?" she cried, her voice breaking. "You had me worried sick!"

Taken aback by her sudden embrace and ardor, all he could do was stand frozen, arms raised helplessly.

After a few moments, she groused softly, "You can't even hug me back, you arse?"

"S-sorry," he stammered, settling his arms over her shoulders and squeezing her back awkwardly. "You've never hugged me before," he added.

"I hold back so you don't feel uncomfortable." The hum was more soothing than a lullaby and her grasp relaxed slightly as a flood of exhaustion took hold of her.

Cole wasn't sure if he should say what he came to, as she was clearly trying to stay upright and not pass out in his arms. "The warmth is less, just a small spark. Varric says you were having nightmares again."

"Yeah," she breathed, nuzzling the ring velvet of his tunic. ""It's better when you're here though."

"Oh?" He wasn't sure how to respond to that. He could feel her weight pulling against him more and more. "I came to say sorry," he murmured to her.

"Hmm?" she hummed hazily.

"I yelled at you to be better at the wrong time. It should have been before or maybe after, when we were not thinking about fighting." He gave into the notion to tangle his fingers in her hair, unsure as to why he wanted to. It was softer than his. It felt right. "And it should have been nicer. More like I should be."

"You still care when you're angry." Her voice was low, vibrating through his being and he shivered. "You wouldn't be angry at all, if you didn't."

"Amilee," he exhaled in a plea, confused. A strange feeling had come over him, a pull, tugging at his marrow to do something, but he didn't know what.

She was so tired, her response came out fractured, "You're here... I'm scared... Please stay." She paused to sigh then added, "Hum keeps the nightmares away."

Guilt struck a cord in him and pressed his lips together firmly. He shifted her loosened hold to lift her by the knees, carrying her to her cot. Had he known he helped her in this small way just by remaining close by... he would never had left the keep. He never wondered why she didn't have the bad dreams when he was around and felt the twinge of annoyance that she never said anything before now.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair, though she was already unconscious. He sat on the cot, cradling her close after tucking the sheet around her. With resolve to keep her undisturbed, he maintained his invisible state and stretched his power just enough to hold her within it's barrier. "I'm here. Nothing can hurt you," he promised gravely.

* * *

_-The next morning-_

"Where were you, Cole?" Solas chastised absently, as he began to set up his makeshift study area. "Neither you nor the Guardian were anywhere to be found."

The rest of the Inner Circle, with the Inquisition's army in tow, had arrived late the day before. Cole had watched stoically as more than one of their friends search Amilee's tent for her. While he could feel concerns rise as the night went on, there were no pressing issues that needed her immediate attention. So he stayed quiet till she started to wake, slipping away before she became aware he was there.

"W_eariness stood to falter she who was most in need of respite. To lie alone brings dreams dark with shadows so she begged I stay to abate them."_

"She said you specifically keep her nightmares away or just someone else being there in general?"

"Me."

"I suppose it could have to do with the sensation she feels when spirits are around her," Solas sighed, his face pensive but understanding. "Be that as it may, you should not have hidden her."

The young man shrugged as if it didn't matter. "Two days without sleep, what good would she have been to anyone? No, one of you would have sought to wake her."

"That is the unfortunate consequence of her position, Cole. It is not for you to decide what is best for her."

"She is warm again, as she should be."

Solas gave a grunt of acknowledgement. "My point still stands."

Cole frowned deeply from, a nagging thought he couldn't shake. "There is something you hide from me, to do with her. It's there like a shadow, barely there when you talk about her. Why do you not say what you mean?"

Busying himself with organizing his rune collection, Solas explained, "I have the right to withhold certain opinions, if there is no use for them. To put your mind at ease, it's nothing to do with her as a person, nor as our Guardian."

"Good, I would be sad if you did not like her."

"Just be careful. You are Compassion and to narrow your focus to only one individual is outside of your intended purpose. You cannot take up such a singular attachment without risk of falling for the need to possess."

_There's really no point to it_, Amilee had told Cole once, when they spoke of Anders. _I don't get why demons don't realize the futility. To safely possess a person is impossible without the spirit and person having alike natures. To share a space that is already full, they have to become one soul. So unless they are one at heart, that spirit either has to change its nature or destroy the person. And you cannot keep what you've destroyed._

"That would destroy her and I would never want that," Cole declared firmly. "And I don't think she would want me to change."

Solas nodded, satisfied he'd gotten his point across. "Alright. Now I do believe we have a meeting to attend. Just remember to stay focused."

"Yes."

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**Lots of dialogue, but as I said in the beginning, that will be my main focus. **

**Favs and reviews are appreciated!**


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